My Journey To Recovery

Three and half hours to go before 2007. To commemorate New Year, I present three articles by Howard Keith. If you have an addiction, whether it's alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, love addiction, or whatever, then you will discover that this post is for you.

I take this opportunity, to wish all my Recovery Friends listed or not listed in My Sacred Links a very Happy New Year. Keep posting and stay sober. Not forgetting to all my visitors to this Blog from all over the world, a Happy New Year too. May you find something useful here at My Journey To Recovery's Blog. I hope you all will come back here again and again. Just leave a comment or two so that I can improve My Blog to your pleasure.

So, without further ado, here are the articles. Enjoy it as much as I do reading it...

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Each years as New Years Eve approaches, compulsive gamblers search to find a solution to their gambling addiction. Their number one goal is to face their addiction and finally change their life to a less self destructive mode. Most compulsive gamblers often know how self destructive their life has become as their gambling addiction intensified. These people know they have a problem and truly want to stop their addiction.

Fortunately the compulsive gambler’s today the internet offers a wide array of stop gambling addiction websites. Through educating oneself the compulsive gambler can stop their addiction. The I Stopped Gambling website has been very successful in helping gamblers to move forward. These gamblers get to chat privately with other gamblers twenty four hours a day seven days a week who can relate to what they are now going through. Along with an optional self help stop gambling addiction book, recovery seems to really accelerate. This is one of the most confidential and alternative websites available through out the world. People come from all walks of life to share their situation in hopes to stop their addiction. Through this experience gamblers for the first time in their life are able to understand what they have been going through and most of all beat their addiction.

There are other programs available that may be more suitable to your taste. For example Gamblers Anonymous holds weekly meetings. I have heard of quite a few success stories come out of Gamblers Anonymous. The problem most noted about this program is, is it really confidential and private since you are actually going to meeting sitting face to face with other gamblers. Those who do not care who knows that they have a gambling problem this program may be just right for you.

What’s most important is to give compulsive gamblers alternatives that they can relate to so that they can stop their gambling addiction.

As this New Year approaches compulsive gamblers will be surfing the web for ways to stop their gambling addiction and start a clean slate. If you think you have a gambling problem take the time to educate yourself. Through this education you can develop skills to lead a more productive life.

Isn’t it time to stop your gambling addiction?

The choice is yours to make. As New Years Eve approaches set goals for the upcoming year.
If you know someone who has a gambling addiction there are resources for family members at both the I Stopped Gambling website and The Gamblers Anonymous website.

As January approaches take the time to make you a better person for all to see. Set your goals and take the first step on your road to recovery. As time passes your self esteem will increase as you meet the new positive challenges life has in store for you.

Happy New Year and may all of your dreams come true.

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Addictions To Gambling on The Rise!

Over the past five years addictions to gambling have grown at an accelerated rate. Not only adults, but teenagers are gambling with out realizing the consequences. Most States including Connecticut have created agreements with Indian reservations for self gain. The states are now realizing the negative impact the Indian casino reservations are having on their taxpayers.

Gambling is a silent addiction. Most people can go years with out anyone ever discovering that they gambled. Besides the local Casino’s people can now even gamble online.

With today’s modern technology, if you want to gamble you can so long as you have the resources. Once your resources are depleted and you’re in debt, you will begin to seek help. This is where many states are taking notice due to people claiming bankruptcy, not paying their state taxes, getting caught committing petty crimes and even suicide.

The I Stopped Gambling So Can You website continues to receive alarming emails from friends family and the compulsive gambler. The site was developed to help people associated with compulsive gambling addiction.

The alarming rate in the rise of addicted individuals has caused the states to rethink what they are doing and how to help this segment of the population. The individuals who sought help through various programs now know they are not alone. The unfortunate part is in most cases they are starting all over. If the States would reach out and help these people then the outcomes may be different.

If a person goes into a bar and is apparently drunk, the bartenders are not going to serve this person any alcoholic drinks and may even recommend a cab. At a casino, people use the cash machines until they are unable to take out any more money. People cash checks and even take cash advances from their credit cards, but no one at the casinos is willing to step up to the plate and help these people out.

I have talked with hundreds of people who excessively gambled. These people knew they were addicted and always planned to spend a specific amount of money. After being at the casinos with all the lights, bells and whistles they fell into a trance and no longer had any control.

Once the gambler leaves the casino reality sets in. They now realize they've lost a lot of money. They ask themselves: How did this happen? They themselvesthey will never due this again only to repeat the same behavior patterns over and over until they hit bottom and lose everything. These people were spending anywhere from $100.00 to $5,000.00 per week on their addiction. In a majority of these situations they realized they lost everything. Even after filing bankruptcy they still owed a significant amount in back taxes.

The State of Connecticut receives revenues from their two Indian Run Casinos. If a taxpayer wins a Jackpot equal to or greater than $1,200.00 and resides in Connecticut they will be subject to Connecticut State Tax. The Internal Revenue Service lets you deduct your winnings against your losses but not in Connecticut.

The various states are now realizing they created a major problem, but are not willing to discuss it openly. Various news stations have been reporting the negative impact, but due to the revenues generated, no one is willing to step up to the plate and help these people out.

Until the local authorities take action, many lives will continue to be destroyed.
Future articles will address the compulsive gambler, gambling addiction and a search to find a solution to this growing problem.

You may find the following websites helpful:

I Stopped Gambling So Can You http://www.istoppedgambling.com/

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The Day I Decided To Stop Gambling With Gamblers Anonymous

Everything was going perfect for me in life. Good job, good home, good life and good friends. Until one day some friends asked if I wanted to go to the casino. By the time I realized it, three years of my life were gone and I was in debt. It was time to quit.

The day I decided to stop gambling I was depressed and relieved at the same time. I couldn't go on any longer. I thought all my hopes and dreams were shattered. I couldn't tell anybody what I was going through. I was afraid that they would be disappointed in me. I remember the first day. I was nervous and anxious. I had a hard time focusing at work. This was not my first time trying to quit. I was sure I really wanted to quit, but wasn't sure if I could quit.

The day I decided to quit I had no where to turn. I found it was difficult to talk to my family and friends about my problem. I began to do research and found Gamblers Anonymous. I wanted to give Gamblers Anonymous a try. I happened to have met a lot of nice people there. They welcomed me into the group and made me feel comfortable. I had tears coming down my face and my anxiety kicked in. I was very quiet buy my emotions were running wild inside. I made it through my first meeting and was somewhat looking forward to the next one. As each week passed new members would join and others would disappear. This became a weekly event. Who was going to come back and who was going to stay?

I continued to go to my Gamblers Anonymous meeting on a weekly basis. I was always afraid some one would recognize me. The turn over was extraordinary. Each week as I entered the meeting my heart began to race until I was sure I didn’t know any of the new members. It was the tenth week and an old co-worker of mine walked through the doors. We hadn’t worked together for over ten years. I thought about leaving but I decided to stay and try and work it out. Unfortunately he did not keep the Gamblers Anonymous code. He had told a friend who told another friend until it got back to me. It was unfortunate, but I dealt with it and moved on.

I and others unfortunately had other situations occur that were not very positive for us at Gamblers Anonymous. I still thank them for putting me on the road to recovery. From the first time I entered Gamblers Anonymous and followed up with the website I Stopped Gambling So Can You http://www.istoppedgambling.com/

I believe I am on the road to recovery. I take one day at a time and allow myself the option to gamble or not to gamble. This helped me to take control of my life. By allowing myself to make the choice the amount of stress on me has been significantly reduced.

A month after I stopped going to Gamblers Anonymous meetings, I ran into one of the members. He was curious at how I was doing and asked me if I would be there next week? I told him I would try and make the meeting. I popped in a few times more to tell them how I was doing. They were all glad to see me, but I wasn’t in compliance with the rules of Gamblers Anonymous, so I decided not to go back. In this particular group I attended, they have rules that do not allow a member to comment during therapy if they did not attend four consecutive weekly meetings. I respected their rules but realized it was time to move on. I told the group and thanked them very much for putting me in the right direction and left.

After this experience I created a website that would allow people to be themselves as they recover. This site is also the closest to anonymous you can get. There you will also find a private stop gambling chat room and a self help manual to help gamblers stop compulsive gambling addiction. The website is I Stopped Gambling So Can You http://www.istoppedgambling.com/.

My experience from Gamblers Anonymous meetings to now has helped me to stop gambling. I stopped so can you!

Mr. Howard Keith has an extensive background in dealing with compulsive gamblers, relatives and friends of gamblers and teenage gamblers.

Mr. Keith believes there are many alternatives to aid in the recovery of a gambling addiction verses a twelve step program. A large percentage of his emails were from compulsive gamblers looking for an alternative to Gamblers Anonymous and twelve step programs. Gamblers Anonymous also helps a significant number of people each year but there is a large percentage that does not stay. These are the people Mr. Keith is hoping to reach.

It's Mr. Howard Keith’s goal is to educate compulsive gamblers with options to help them beat their addiction.

Mr. Howard Keith has an extensive background in dealing with compulsive gamblers, relatives and friends of gamblers and teenage gamblers. Mr. Keith believes there are many alternatives to aid in the recovery of a gambling addiction verses a twelve step program. A large percentage of his emails were from compulsive gamblers looking for an alternative to Gamblers Anonymous and twelve step programs. Gamblers Anonymous also helps a significant number of people each year but there is a large percentage that they are unable to reach.

You can also check out Mr. Keith’s other website Take Flight with Reliable-Marketing http://www.reliable-marketing.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Howard_Keith

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the Management had to take out the latest post. The Management respected the author request to remain anonymous. To replace the post, the Management have visited EzineArticles, GoArticles and ArticleCity looking for free contents and free articles for reprint without any hazzles!

Usually we don't have to write to the authors asking their permission to use their articles because articles summitted to those mentioned places or any other article directories, are for Article Marketing. What is Article Marketing?

I asked my good friend, Dorothea Carney of http://www.simple.anyonecandoit.com who gave me a Special Report about Article Marketing. She said, an article's true purpose is not to sell a product, but to give away useful information or rather, it is to sell your website or promote your affiliate product or set you up as either an expert or a person to be trusted. The body text of an article should not be a commercial for what you're trying to sell. An article is not an advertisement!

At the end of every article, usually it is included a short biography, a disclaimer, and a signature file. These components establish the author as an expert on whatever topic he/she's writing and direct readers who find their articles on other websites to theirs.

I've never missed to include those components on every posts I've published. It's good practise to write to the author but WebMasters often don't want to take the time to contact authors for permission, and are more likely to reprint articles that don't require contacting. If you submit your articles to article directories, this will usually be done for you.

OK, here's an article written by Mikki Alhart of http://www.alhartenterprises.com which I copied and pasted from GoArticles. Enjoy it as much as I enjoyed reading it.

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Do you know someone with a substance abuse problem and don't know how to approach them? We have an answer.

Sometimes the simplest idea can make the biggest difference. Is it possible for one idea to change the world? Have you heard? Our world as we know it is experiencing an "epidemic". The very nature of addiction is about isolation, hiding, secrecy and cover up. With that in mind can you begin to even imagine how extensive and prolific the real numbers are? As a drug and alcohol counselor for the last twenty-five years I have experienced what a difference a mentor, way-shower and educator can do for the alcoholic/addict who silently suffers. Look at the statistics; we are not talking about the bag lady on skid row or the addict who breaks the law to get more drugs. We are talking about our children in our own communities, our sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors and co-workers. Epidemic is an accurate statement because one drug affected/alcoholic person adversely affects an average of nine people. People who live with and around the relentless obsession of addiction become as sick, alone, frightened and helpless as the person abusing chemicals. They experience the same losses as the chemically affected person. It is the only malady in our universe that affects every area of life: financially, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It is terminal in that the final outcome is guaranteed insanity, institutions or death. Honestly look at the estimated numbers of the affected people in our world. We pretend as a society that the heart attack, domestic violence, calling in sick every Monday morning, financial instability, physical problems, marital problems and depression are only symptomatic of the core issues of chemical abuse and dependency.

In 2005, 19.7 million (8.1%) used an illicit drug, 71.5 million (29.4%) used a tobacco product, and 126 million (51.8%) Americans aged 12 and older used alcohol currently (that is, in the month prior to the survey). The rate of current marijuana use among youths aged 12 to 17 declined from 7.6% to 6.8% between 2004 and 2005. Although the number of current methamphetamine users has remained steady since 2002, the number who were dependent on or abused some illicit drug rose significantly from 164,000 to 257,000 between 2002 and 2005. September 2006 the National Drug & Alcohol survey complied statistics that validate 12.3 million of our youth have experimented with methamphetamine before the age of twelve.

As a "Community Support" effort each and every one of us can target the number one trait of addiction, Denial. Denial is the traditional favorite of chemically dependent people and their loved ones everywhere. The person in denial refuses to admit the possibility that a problem exists, despite all evidence to the contrary, and everyone else endorses the irrational beliefs. Denial binds us all to the extent and severity of the illness. There are not enough institutions, state and federal funding, treatment programs and mental health professions to begin to address the numbers of people affected by this increasing epidemic.

Each and every one of us can now do something so simple, loving and direct that at first glance it may appear to be so easy we dismiss the impact of how one person really can change the world. You can do a loving, nurturing anonymous intervention. The waiting lists for our treatment programs, our over crowded juvenile halls and city jails with first time offenders with drug/alcohol related charges, families who don't have insurance for treatment, families waiting for a legal intervention to save their loved ones, and those of us who don't know where to go and what to do for the chemically affected person to help break through the illusions of denial. I had a vision of how to touch the masses and we created a individual self-help all inclusive treatment program for an affordable price. Because of the wonderful capabilities of the internet we can now send this innovative, easy reading, humorous, educational, whimsical and fun journaling process to anyone without them ever knowing who their anonymous friend is. We have created inspirational cards which state that you care and know about their secrets. Included is a loving message to the drug affected person that you are not judging them and respect them enough to honor their privacy and that is why you are sending a gift of truth and compassion. The truth is the antidote for denial. You can pull the covers off of the hidden secrets for someone you know and they will never know who sent it. I cannot emphasize how valuable this kind of impact will have on denial. Even if they don't react immediately I can promise you after working with thousands of alcoholic/addicts these books will take the hiding, secrets and illusion of having fun away from the using person. Hundreds of recovering people have shared with me that my words lived in their heads from our very fist encounter and it just wasn't for free and for fun anymore. Denial is the lie that the addicted mind listens to. Truth cannot be compromised when it relates to each persons individual experiences because life is the true teacher.

The workshop series is totally non-threatening with a message of hope. Send a message of hope to someone you know who needs to address their chemical dependency problem. It is now so easy. The titles speak for themselves: Taming the Beast Named Habit and The Addictions Monster Doesn't Live Here Anymore. The humor, art work, inspirational message and education will come from the heart that connects with the heart. This series contains a mammoth amount of wisdom in tried and true, tested and refined personal formulas. Having walked the walk and talked the talk, published author, and inspirational speaker, Mikki Alhart takes the serious progression of addiction to another level.

To reach the masses in a community support effort we knew certain criteria's needed to be met. Number one, it has to be something that really helps people. Number two, something they can't do by themselves. Number three, If I do it for them, they will automatically be assisting at least nine other people. This is a true gift of life that doesn't need to be paid back. The theme throughout these workshops is how to discover your own recovery.

The message that needs to be made public is the Recovery Works. Millions of men and women are in recovery. They are your mailmen, hairdressers, and next door neighbors, friends in church, teachers, policemen and bankers. People don't talk about their recovery they just joyously and productively live it. Due to the stigma still prevalent in our society of being weak willed, shamed, guilty, and immoral it continues to keep successful recovering people silent. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of the 12 step programs and now there is a way to be an anonymous messenger of hope and encouragement without judgment.

One person can make a difference. Be that loving person who will reach out and give the gift of truth and recovery. Remember the addiction monster demands to be fed on a very regular basis, it will not just disappear by itself. Addiction has a voice of it's own that talks to it's captives.......Be a new voice, be a helping hand that can bring someone out of the bondage of addiction. Dare to believe that if we build it one by one by one we can change our world. Visit the New Hope center and be willing to take a chance carrying the message of hope because you know you can make a difference in someone's life.

New Hope Center is dedicated to providing products and materials that are:

Beginning Recovery
Tools for Maintaining Recovery
Process of Growth and Healing
Life Long Companion to Recovery

About the Author

Mikki Alhart is an accomplished writer and therapist, who has worked in a number of venues. She has integrated the spiritual and whimsical dimensions of recovery for adolescent substance abuse, dual diagnosed, trauma, criminal thinking errors, anger management, abandonment and social development skills. Mikki emphasizes mentoring healthy behaviors, conflict resolution, recognition of co-dependency in the care giving field.

Recovery and discovery is an individual journey that you choose to take or your addictions will take you or your loved ones places you don’t want to go, never thought you would go.

An addiction is a disease of isolation, cover up, hiding,
and pretending it's not that bad.

Today for the whole day my family on my beloved wife's are having a family day. Right now my eldest brother-in-law is singing his heart out. We have tele-match, games and so forth. It's nice to have all of them having a good time. I didn't win any prize though I played futsal and darts.

On the eve of Christmas, I wish everybody in My Sacred Links and everybody who is not, a very Merry Christmas. I wish you all the best and remember Christmas is about giving. The more you give the more you get.

Here is an article by Glen D Williams. It is about what holidays can do to you. It may be a trigger to some. So please be careful coz I love you much more than you ever know. I know we have never met face to face but there's a bond within us. I feel much at home when I visited your Sites or Blogs from time to time. So here it is ...

Many of us who suffer an addiction to alcohol or drugs, find holidays particularly tempting. Everywhere we turn, someone's engaging in some form of substance abuse. So, how do we enjoy the office, friends and family while staying sober? Honest, you don't need a treatment center, just some common sense and an awareness of the stage of your recovery.

Recovery Stage is the most important thing to understand when the holidays roll around. At the beginning of recovery, the temptation is at it's greatest, so you have to be real careful to avoid situations that are tempting. One of my mentors told me, "If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery people." So, for the early stages, maybe the first year or more, oit's probably best not to be anywhere alcohol is being served. It isn't uncommon for those beginning recovery to spend almost every day of the holiday season at a 12-step meeting. As you've gone longer without a drink and realize it isn't as much of a temptation as before, you may find you can visit the more formal and controlled events around the holidays without a problem. Use common sense and listen to those who have been around before venturing there, though. Also, it may be a good policy to visit a 12-step meeting immediately after you've been to an event where you believe there may be some drinking, like office parties and family events.

Office Parties used to g on right in the office and, in years past, have been known to get quite wild. In my white collar experience, this seems to have been replaced, somewhat, with the more formal and controlled lunch or dinner party. If you're invited to an office party, try to find out more about it. If alcohol is provided or it's BYOB, be very careful...there will be lots of people out of control and it will probably be best not to attend. If it's a more formal arrangement, like lunch or dinner with a bar available, this will be much less of a temptation, so, if you've got a couple years of sobriety you'll probably not be bothered much. With friends and neighbors it's a different story.

Friends And Neighbors present one of the biggest challenges to staying in recovery. That's because they're far more tolerant and accustomed to drinking with you. In fact. one of the first things a newly recovering alcoholic should do is let those who used to drink with them know this won't be happening any more. If they care more for you than the booze, they won't drink in front of you. If they don't, well, maybe they weren't your friends after all. After I quit drugs, none of my addict friends wanted to be around me any more. I now realize what a good thing that was, but at the time, it hurt me, deeply. If your friends won't refrain from drinking around you, don't be around them, even at the holidays.

Family Drinking is the hardest to avoid during the holidays. Like friends, if they care, they won't drink in front of you. Unlike friends, it's more difficult to avoid family during the holidays. Also, since addiction runs in families, there are usually alcoholic relatives who haven't found the need to quit, quite yet. As if we needed another complication, most families are dysfunctional. Alcoholic families make dysfunction an art form. As hard as it is, if you feel your stress level going up just thinking about another family holiday, it may be better to drop the gifts off and be at a 12-step meeting during the festivities. I know blood is thicker than water, but alcoholic blood is quite thin and quite volatile. Each family is different, so, if you don't sense any problems, have a great time. The more years of sobriety you have, the easier it is to be tolerant of your family dynamics and maybe even overlook some outright offenses.

The Holidays can be especially hard on alcoholics. It's a time when all the emotion and dysfunction combine with heavier drinking by many around us and unusually nasty weather to make it very difficult to stay sober. Knowing this in advance, though, can help us prepare, by having 12-step and other positive activities scheduled so we're not brought down. The millions who have gone before attest to the fact that the holidays don't have to be alcohol-i-days for us.

Glen Williams is founder and CEO of EHF, Inc. and Webmaster for http://www.e-health-fitness.com/. He has done extensive research on personal and family health and fitness issues and has been helping and advising people on health since 1987.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Glen_D._Williams

I could have been somebody in a high profile office or maybe in the corporate sector but no, I chose my own life. A life of nothingness. Say whom? Back then, I am the MAN ( in fact, I could even fly). I don't even give a damn what people say about me coz back then, I live to use and I use to live.

I'm the eldest and the only son in a family of six. I've got good education and possessed a Degree in Estate Management major in Valuation. Everybody thought I gonna be somebody coz I was employed by one of the major Bank in Malaysia. I've got everything, a car, a house, a beautiful girl-friend and what-not.

But then I lost it all. Can you imagined how hurt my family are? Especially to both of my parent. But I think I'm one of the few lucky SOB. After all that I've said and done, I was never get thrown out of my family. That's something that I'm grateful about. I don't know what gonna happened to me if my family outcasted me. I've seen many of my friends lost their way to live when their family broke off any relationship with them.

I knew I've hurt so many people especially to my Mum. One thing I love about her is that she never show how much I've hurt her. Wherever I go, she never misses to visit me. I've been a 'guest' to my Government facilities a couple of time, my family always stand by me. Now it is my turn to repay all their kindness to me and I made a promise to myself that I shall never hurt them anymore. Only to Allah I pray and only to Allah I seek help.

If my Mum is the poetic type, I presume she will sit down and write a long letter to my ex-friend. Just like the letter wrote by Mary Challburg below. So, grab a chair and make yourself comfortable. Don't forget to make yourself a hot chocolate coz you gonna read 'A Letter From A Mother'.


Dear Addiction:

You have been around for centuries. Way before I was born. You can appear in many shapes & forms. You can be a cigarette, a joint, chocolate cake, a bottle of beer, French fries, pills, sex or white powder. You ruined many holidays for me. You made me feel different from all the other kids at school. You made me feel ashamed of my family. You caused me to do poorly in school. You made me keep so many things inside-fear, shame, anger, worthlessness. You made my mother distant & cold. You made my father negative & unlikable. You made my childhood miserable. You made me act & think like an adult when I should have been playing kick ball outside with my friends. You made me who I am today. Because of you, I am strong & confident. I can handle any crisis that comes my way. You forced me as an adult to tackle many difficult emotions. I am still standing. I am who I am because of you… But, that’s me….

You stole my son’s youth. You robbed him of his innocence. You made him feel like he wasn’t normal. You made him steal, lie, & cheat. You always were, and always will be a part of his life. Even when he was in my belly, you were there. As much as he doesn’t want you-you will always be there. You’re that annoying person riding his tail on the highway. He looks in the rear view mirror & there you are. He can speed up or slam on his brakes but that won’t get rid of you. You’re that ex girlfriend he can’t shake, the annoying, possessive, controlling, all too consuming person, he can break up with a girl friend; he can’t break up with you. You will always come back to haunt him. You’re that first pimple, on his perfectly, clear complexion-that never goes away. He doesn’t want to go to school because kids will stare at his pimple, everyone notices it but no one says anything. He looks in the mirror & there you are. You are always lurking. You’re that big Biology test we all had to take. We studied for hours on end, sleepless nights lying in bed worried, stressed out about how I will do? Will I pass? Will I have to re-take it? What if I fail? What if I let myself down? But you’re not a Biology test that goes away at the end of the semester or school year. You are so different. You cause my son stress & anxiety every day. You never go away, not even for a minute. You are air, water, a constant nagging reminder. He looks in the mirror, opens the frig, puts gas in the car, goes to work, watches the Super bowl, goes to the mall, church, sees a pretty girl & there you are. He can’t even get away from you when he’s sleeping, he dreams about you. You are his skin, his soul, his heart, worst of all, you are his mind. Everyone deserves a break, but you, you don’t give up.

You are cruel & evil. You don’t care whose lives you ruin. Doctor’s, lawyers, plumbers, pregnant mothers, there is no discrimination or age barriers with you. You invade 13 year olds & continue haunting them well into their 90’s, if they live that long. You confuse many people. You make others think that my son is weak. If they only knew how strong he must be to keep you away. It takes stamina to keep you out of his life. More people would feel comfortable asking me how he is, if he had cancer. How’s he doing? Is the chemo working? What do the doctor’s say? would be questions I would hear. Few people understand you or believe you are a disease. You’re not concrete, not everyone can grasp you. But me, I have lived with you in one way or another, my whole life. If you weren’t my grandfather, you were my father or my brother, now you are my son. Since we have lived with each other for so long, we should be friends by now. You used to be my enemy. Now, I accept you. You won’t ruin my life any longer. I am a fighter, remember?-you made me that way? You made me a survivor. You have made me be able to cope through the most difficult times. I have watched my mother & my 39 year old brother take their last breath. Because of you, I am still standing. You made me drop my 18 year old son off @ rehab on that cold February morning. The Steelers had just won the super bowl 12 hours before. My son should be at college celebrating with friends. But no, you made him go to rehab for heroin……..

When my son was in high school, I was suspicious of you. I agonized about your control over him. I had him evaluated on different occasions, I had caught him drinking, found weed. You are very sly. He was able to keep you from me & the therapist. You had become his secret now. You made me feel crazy at times. I worried on a daily basis that you had control over my son. Worrying is worse than knowing the truth. The “what if’s in life can destroy you. Once you know something, you are able to face it head on, deal with it. It is what it is…. The worrying & crazy thinking made me search my son’s room, desk drawers, or back pack, turning his room upside down every time he left the house. Sometimes my search came up clean. This is when I tried to convince myself you were not present in his life. Other times, I found Visine or a lighter. Funny thing about you, is even when you are right in front of me, I was able to tell myself it was normal teenage use. I chalked it up to normal experimentation. He lied about his “new friends”, always told me he was going out with the kids I liked. Sometimes I am madder at denial than I am at you. You both seem so powerful at the time. I grew up with you, how could I not see you? Funny thing about being the mother now, not the daughter or the sister of you, was deep down I knew you were lurking. I had an uneasy feeling, gut feeling, mother’s premonition I guess. Then one day, I realized HE was one of the “potheads” at school. The kid that everyone dismisses, looked at in disgust, as a no good loser. My son was not a loser, he was MY son. The same little boy I brought home from the hospital as a newborn, my first born. I rushed him to the pediatrician when it was just a stuffy nose. I stayed up with him when he had the flu, I was there when he hit his first homerun, threw his first touchdown pass. I talked to him about girls, making good grades, he cared about life, and he wanted to succeed. He was not & never will be a loser in my eyes. You are the reason ignorant people judged my son. I had a feeling you were there. Yet, to some degree, I was wearing blinders. Now, looking back you were as clear as day. The red eyes, the lies, the late nights, sneaking out of the house, the smell of marijuana, but still, I believed the lies that came out of my son’s mouth. I grounded him when he broke the rules.

The day I was unable to continue burying my head in the sand or continue pretending life was normal was when my husband called & told me I had to go to the school, there was disciplinary action taken against my son. Many reasons for the call would normally run through a frantic mother’s mind. Not mine; my first thought was my son was caught smoking weed at school. It was more, it was much worse than that. There was a police officer, the principal; my son was in a separate room. I was told he had stolen property from the school & if he had been 18 at the time he would have been handcuffed & taken to jail. The thought of my son in jail made me cry, call my husband trying to speak between sobs so he knew what was going on, but what was really going on? That was the beginning of my new life. This was his senior year; he should be excited as this is his last year in high school, playing baseball, going off to college soon, lasting memories forever. There would be no baseball; he was not permitted to play. New words filled my son’s vocabulary, clean & serene, sobriety.

Life is about choices & with every choice comes a consequence. Today, my son is choosing life over you. There are really only three choices when it comes to you, jail, death or recovery. I prided myself that I was different from my mother, I am open & honest with my kids about you, I don’t sweep you under the carpet like she did. We actually talked about you at the dinner table, in the car driving to baseball games. The fact that you ruined my childhood was known in my family. My kids were aware of you-almost to the point they may have tuned me out. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a martyr, I was just very open & honest with your affects on my father & brother. You were a part of our gene pool; I felt I had to talk about you to my children.

He is not the only young person whose life you have contaminated. No one is exempt from you. You affect nearly every human beings life in some way or another, a loved one, a friend or a neighbor knows you too well. I’m not angry at you. The best revenge against someone or something is simple- LIVING WELL…… I live with you, I learn from you. You have become my driving force, my passion, my purpose. I won’t run from you or keep you a secret as I did when I was a kid. I will embrace you, I will scream from the rooftops about you. I am only as sick as my secrets. You have been exposed. You are out there for everyone to see. My son won’t hide either. He did for a few years but he’s on to you now. He is so bright, so intuitive. You made him become a man. He is a man at 19 years old, wiser than most adult men I know. I am seeing the good side of you. I always try to see the bright side of what initially appears to be a dim situation. Again, that is because of you, when I was young you forced me to look at a bad situation and say, “Hey, it could always be worse.” That’s how I have survived many hardships in my life. I realized other people had it worse than I did, so who was I to complain?

I know that’s how I was able to handle myself when my son told me he needed help. As I watch my son cry and tell me he wished he was normal. He said he needed help. “It’s worse Mom, its heroin….” There YOU were when the worst moment of my 18 years as a mother had just smacked me in the face. I said to my son, “Eric, it’s not cancer, WE will get through this”. I hugged him & we both cried. As I held him, I wondered how I was able to utter any words; I didn’t think I had air in my lungs. Finally, you were out in the open!!!! The other shoe had fallen, the “what ifs” was now reality & it was time to confront YOU…… I called one of my sisters, the nurse, the strong one, and the one that holds her emotions in. I told her I needed to get my son, her nephew, her godson into rehab ASAP. As I heard the gasp & the whimpers she tried to hide from me, I thought, “Wow, if this rocks her, this is really, really bad. I am a “fixer”, a results oriented person, I believe I focused on what to do next, who to call and where will he rehabilitate. I was in overdrive. Because of you being a family member of mine, I also knew I could support my son, but this was his battle. There was no simple fix, no band aid to place over the wound. No antibiotic would cure this in 10-14 days. Hearing these words come from my son’s mouth, not the district attorney’s office or the coroner, was extremely encouraging to me. I knew that night, at that exact moment; I would stand by my son forever and ever as he worked on his life without you. I later, had received a note from a dear friend that said, “Parenting can be easy when things are going smoothly, as they should be, it is when we are faced with difficult situations that we put our skills to work.” You taught me these skills as a child. I never doubted my ability to cope with this situation.

Even as confident as I was, my heart was shattered. You must love tearing people’s hearts open & stomping on them. You create havoc with all family members. I have 1 brother, 4 sisters, & 21 nieces & nephews. Each and every one of them was affected by you & your control over my son. Dealing with you is very personal. My daughters were angry at their brother. He always got more attention. You caused him to. They are great young girls, extremely bright & responsible. They didn’t understand why their brother, who caused so many sleepless nights & fights continued getting more of their parents attention. They did everything they were supposed to do & it seemed no one noticed. I noticed their valiant effort but I didn’t always commend them for it. You sucked the energy out of me at times. I dealt with you differently than my husband did. You almost caused a divorce but I came to my senses. Believe it or not, realizing I was powerless over you is when I was able to move ahead. I can’t fight you anymore. I won’t fight you anymore.

My son found NA and it saved his life. He now feels normal. He has learned how you can be replaced. The 12 Step program is bigger & stronger than you. I often wonder why the whole world doesn’t follow these simple steps. My son goes to daily meetings & meets with his therapist weekly. You are still present, always will be, but KNOWLEDGE = POWER. He talks about you & reads books about you, works his 12 Steps. The power of addiction is mighty, but the power of recovery is mightier…..

He realizes even though he is not using drugs, many of the same behaviors still exist. Rather than being critical of others, he is taking his own moral inventory. He focuses on his character defects and will make amends to those he harmed when he is ready. He knows a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. That first step is the hardest. Realizing your life is unmanageable is the start, a powerful start. Whose life isn’t unmanageable at some point? Each step that is taken away from you gets a little easier. If he could just run as fast as possible from you, it would be easier. This isn’t a sprint, it’s a lifelong marathon. This is a process, a very long & difficult process. Life is progression not perfection. He is well aware you can cause a relapse while he is recovering from you. This happened once. It can happen again & again if he gets over confident & thinks he has you “licked”. That’s why he goes to meetings daily, he needs to be reminded of the pain you caused him that made him get to the rooms of NA. He can’t resent you either, that won’t work. He has to accept you as part of his daily life, part of his every breath. He knows all too well that should he choose a life with you, he will be living on the streets. I won’t stand for you being in my house. Tough love isn’t that tough for me. I made my son leave once; it lasted for 14 days. I love him and will not stand by and watch him die a slow death because of you. I pray you will stay away. Because of you, I take one day at a time. When I have to, I take one minute at a time.

Anyone who has known you and who has survived you is brave. My son is my hero. His strength amazes me. His ability at such a young age, to see you were ruining his life and ask for help takes courage. You may have taken his youth but you haven’t taken his life. He can live a perfectly healthy life. He will be happier without you. He will find a wife & have children. You may or may not be a part of my grandchildren’s lives. If you are, my son will handle it. He, just like me, is a survivor because of you. You have caused us pain but at the same time, you have given us the ability for pure pleasure. Without pain, we would never fully appreciate the joy. I have met some remarkable people because of you. People, whose lives you have touched, are the salt of the earth. There is no phoniness, they are not trying to “keep up with the Joneses”, and they are real people with real stories & experiences to share. They care about living for today & being the best person they can be. You have humbled them. Looking back on my life, you may have caused me great pain, but I am not bitter. I am able to see situations more clearly and focus on the positives life has to offer.

I pray that you will keep your distance. Let’s face it, that’s all I can do. I am powerless. I pray every day; I thank God for everything I have. I have so much more than you in my life now.

I’m sure I will be seeing you around.

Mary

PS Please don’t take my son from me. He has so much to offer to others. Don’t make me bury him……………

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mary_Challburg

I dedicated this post, my "Thank You" and Gratitude to JJ and Gwen. I have just registered myself at http://www.gotop100.com yesterday. When I was editing My Settings, I found out I need to have a banner to represent My Blog. I came across JJ's banner. To me it was awesome and I need to have one too. So, I wrote an email to JJ asking her to create a banner for me.



In her replied email, she told me that she passed my request to Gwen. I didn't know it then, Gwen is the WebMaster of Top 100 Sober Blogs. When I login later, I found out that a banner has been created for me. I said, "Wow! That's fast".



Oh boy! I've got my very own banner at last. Many thanks to JJ and Gwen. If it's up to me I don't know when I shall have a banner at all. You see, I'm a newbie to all this. I know nothing about Internet and computer. All this while I've been self-educating myself. But I'm a fast-learner, I can ensure you that. Maybe JJ and Gwen can spare their times to teach me a thing or two about photo-blogging. I've always wanted to learn how to post a photo in my blog. That's why until now there's no photo in my posts!



JJ really make my day today. Apart for being the master-mind behind the creation of my very own beloved banner, she has also extended her invitation for me to join the elite Bloggers at http://half-naaked.blogspot.com. She's a sweetheart and Gwen too. Their kindness, even though we have known each others for only a short period of time, that is when I started editing My Sacred Links about a month ago. I felt I'm not alone anymore.



When I started introducing myself as an addict to the public, many of my friends especially my faithful beautiful wife have serious doubt. It's a well known fact that an addict will be despised, scorned detested by the public. Even to a recovering addict! I've given it much thought about it but I still believe that they are still many good-hearted living souls out there. JJ and Gwen are the proved that we can all be friends and help each other who are in need. Even though we are far apart and talked to each other by emails only. So, as my token for their marvelous friendship, I present some quotes on Gratitude which I copied and pasted from http://www.authorsden.com. I hope both of them, JJ and Gwen enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed it myself. Thank you again, JJ and Gwen for your thought and concerned.

Some Quotes on Gratitude
By OneLight*® Authors & Creations Joseph*
Last edited: Thursday, November 23, 2006
Posted: Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving Day to all! Let's make every day a day for giving thanks.

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?" ~William A. Ward

The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving. ~H.U. Westermayer

Gratitude is the memory of the heart. ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French

Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. ~G.B. Stern

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart

If you have lived, take thankfully the past. ~John Dryden

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs? ~G.K. Chesterton

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you. ~John E. Southard

[G]ratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. ~G.K. Chesterton

You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink. ~G.K. Chesterton

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! ~Henry Ward Beecher

Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live. ~Jackie Windspear

If you count all your assets, you always show a profit. ~Robert Quillen

What a miserable thing life is: you're living in clover, only the clover isn't good enough.
~Bertolt Brecht, Jungle of Cities, 1924

Gratitude is the best attitude. ~Author Unknown

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. ~W.T. Purkiser

We thank Thee, O Father of all, for... all the soul-help that sad souls understand. ~Will Carleton

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude. It is accompanied with such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance. ~Joseph Addison

I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude. ~Benjamin Disraeli

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much. ~Estonian Proverb

Thou hast given so much to me,
Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if Thy blessings had spare days,
But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.
~George Herbert

The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. ~Eric Hoffer, Reflections On The Human Condition

When our perils are past, shall our gratitude sleep? ~George Canning

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. ~Cynthia Ozick

Only a stomach that rarely feels hungry scorns common things. ~Horace

The grateful person, being still the most severe exacter of himself, not only confesses, but proclaims, his debts. ~Robert South

Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them. ~Chinese Proverb

Thanks are justly due for boons unbought. ~Ovid

In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. ~H.L. Mencken

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~William Arthur Ward

Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel. ~Author Unknown





Biography:

Poetry elevates both the spoken and written word in a way which also elevates the human spirit.
©2006 Joseph*
~ OneLight*®










My inspiration comes from a love for all the arts.

Some of the people I admire deeply are:Henry David Thoreau, Martin Luther King Jr,Mother Teresa, Ralph Waldo Emerson,Mahatma Ghandi and The Dalai Lama. They are all great poets who gifted us with eternal lamps to light the paths of all humanity.

I am only a spark,
with visions of, one day,
becoming a flame.

©2005 Joseph* ~ OneLight*®

JJ has invited me to join her group's Photo Blog at http://half-naaked.blogspot.com. Thank you for your thought and concerned but I have to put her request on hold. You see, I don't have the knowledge and tool to post a picture. If I have, I would have done so in my own Blog. I have always want to do so but time is not on my side. I guess now is the time to speed up my study in photo posting or I might miss this wonderful offer to join the elite Bloggers at half-nAAked Thursday.

Here is an article under the heading of 'Addiction Recovery' which I uncovered at http://www.suite101.com. It was written by Oran Stewart and was published on March 11th, 2001. It is said that the journey to recovery is a continuous uphill journey. We have to be aware and ready or we might start the downhill run again. OK, here's the article. Make yourself a cup of coffee and start reading. Here goes ...

Recovery: does it have to be a struggle?
Author: Oran Stewart
Published on: March 11, 2001

I think the word to describe it is “ornery” which, to those who don’t know the word, means something like ‘very stubborn’. Like many other kids, once my parents told me not to do something I decided that was more reason than ever to do it. When they told me not to eat the cherry-flavored cough drops as if they were candy, that’s what I did. And when they told me how evil it was to smoke cigarettes, I did that too.

Over time, we can learn to resist general wisdom, and begin to think that we know better than certain authorities, our parents being one example. When there may come a time to stop doing the drugs or alcohol, because we’ve learned that those bad habits are getting the better of us, resisting such temptations can be extremely difficult to manage. Resisting temptation certainly has some of its roots in organized religions, but that’s a subject for another day.

Human beings, as any living creatures, are beings of action, and it seems that trying to change a habit is simply very difficult for anyone. Trying to change, trying NOT to do something, something we’ve been doing for years, such as using drugs, rubs against our nature. Trying to change takes conscious efforts, self-knowledge and self-awareness to mindfully NOT take that drink or light up that cigarette. One has to keep this new direction in mind, as one tries to stop drinking or smoking, but in this consciousness of trying to stop comes the alternate option of choosing to start up again. I know when I try to stop smoking and stay stopped, I obviously consider the original behavior of smoking again. Perhaps it is a form of paradox in the way we think. I honestly don’t know for sure.

There's a word, “control”, which is a commonly used concept in discussions of drinking and recovery from drinking. I notice the word used quite often among those who are in the early stages of considering sobriety.
"But, I have my drinking under control", or whatever. Or, “If he could only control his drinking…”. Along with this idea is that of the "white-knuckles" of keeping our craving for booze “under control” during early sobriety. To clarify, those folks who are just beginning their sobriety very often express how difficult it is for them to resist the urge of drinking again. For many, abstaining from one’s favorite drug of use can be foremost in their thinking for days, weeks, and months. Trying to stay sober can mean not going to the bars and lounges they visited habitually before, driving by the liquor stores without stopping, and even breaking up old friendships from the people with whom they used to get drunk. For most, it is indeed a struggle, but depending on one’s point of view, it doesn’t necessarily have to be so hard, so tough.

Trying to get to the point here: we can look at sobriety from different viewpoints. We can see sobriety as a way of living, except every day we struggle to keep from booze. Or, we can view sobriety as a new way of life, where drinking is what other people can do but where it's not a good option for us anymore. One way sees sobriety as something lacking, living without. The other way sees life as just a different though healthier way to live.

I would like to suggest to you that the latter approach to sobriety can be a simpler road to travel. It can take some time and much struggle to get to this point, but once you do it does make life much more pleasant. One counselor that I know well told me about his idea of “surrender”, i.e., that once the alcoholic or drug user can learn to surrender to the overwhelming powers of addiction in his life, then he can begin to change and move towards a healthier, more positive life.

One of the early 12 steps involves the person to admit that he or she is powerless over her addiction. A step that follows that one is where she commits herself to seeking the help of someone besides herself, be they the assistance of family and friends, or a Higher Power. Of course, many recite these and other steps but aren’t yet able to completely throw themselves into the changes they ought to make. However, those that do surrender themselves to a recovery program can come to know that sobriety can be much more than NOT doing something they used to do. They can sometime realize that taking a different road, another path, and thus not thinking of drinking or using anymore, is a more peaceful route to living.

By looking at their recovery, sobriety, in a new and different light, they can learn to enjoy sober living again. Instead of constantly dwelling on what they can NOT do any longer, they can understand the multitude of many things that exist without the use of booze or drugs. They can admit that drinking and using are things that maybe others can get away with, but that it’s no longer sane for themselves to do.


Oran Stewart - Profile

If anyone needs evidence that I am still in the grips of "middle-age-crazy", they only have to glance at my latest toy, a 2000 4Runner SUV. It's a very nice looking truck, and certainly there are a number of practical reasons for having four-wheel-drive in northern PA, plus the frequent need we have for reliable travel with the capacity to haul boards and hardware. At least I am aware that I am often driven too much in my desire for bigger and better things. A few years ago, when I was still doing the college professor career, my awareness of practically everything was much, much less clear. Back then I thought I was in control of a sparkling, promising university teaching and research lifestyle, but as it turned out something else was controlling me and it didn't want to let go.

Consuming huge amounts of alcohol on a daily basis became an addiction, at least in my case. And that was just a part of my problems, although at the time I thought it was a solution and not a cause. There's much more to be said by many others about the life-saving and spirit-saving that is done via sobriety and later recovery, but for now I can say that I'm fairly content with how things are now.

"I thank You, oh God, for giving me strength to pass one more one clean day."

Whose prayer is this? What clean day he is talking about?

This is the typical prayer of an addict who was entrapped in drugs for many years. Now, having come out of it, he thanks God for just one more drugless day; because he knows he is walking on a thin tight rope; he can fall any moment, at the slightest flutter.

How he began, what ordeals he passed through, how he exerted and strained himself to come clean, and the last and the most strenuous, how he strives to stay clean and sober day by day - all this is a horror story plot. Millions of young and old are going through this story at one stage or the other. As a friend said to me, "To quit using is easy but to keep on not using, ain't!"

Here are an articles from http://www.helphorizons.com written by the esteem Dr. Stanley J. Gross, Ed.D. I hope by reading this article and the like will make my journey to recovery smooth going. So will you too.

Relapse Prevention

by Stanley J. Gross, Ed.D.

Once you have made a change, how do you maintain it? What is the difference between a lapse and a relapse? How can I recognize when a relapse is likely?

A lifestyle change is not easy to make or maintain. Lapses (a one-time return to addictive behavior) and relapses (a return to an addictive lifestyle) do occur. Some people relapse several times before new behavior becomes a regular part of their lives. Thus, it is important to learn about and use relapse prevention techniques. Before discussing prevention, it is useful to understand the nature of relapse.

Relapse Process

The relapse process occurs in a series of steps and in the direction of a return to addictive or other self-destructive behavior. Along the way, there are opportunities to use new ways of thinking and acting to reverse the process. To understand relapse process and prevention in the following example, imagine you are making one of these lifestyle changes: stopping smoking, attending 12-step group meetings, or beginning an exercise program.

Sometime after making a change, the demands of maintaining it seem to outweigh the benefits of the change.
We don’t remember that this is normal. Change involves resistance. Reaching out to a supportive person can help clarify our thinking.

We feel disappointed.
We forget -- disappointment is a normal part of living.

We feel deprived, victimized, resentful, and blame ourselves.
These are "red flags" for a lapse. Talk with a supportive person to clarify the situation.

It occurs to us that our old behavior (smoking, isolation, inactivity) would help us to feel better.
If we would consider why we made the change in the first place, we would remember how the old behavior made us feel worse. Talking to a supportive person, distraction, or relaxation can help relieve the pressure.

Cravings for the old behavior begin, undermining our desire to continue to care for ourselves in the new way.
Cravings are a "red flag" for relapse. We need a plan to divert our attention.

A cigarette ad attracts us, or someone in a group puts us down, or we strain ourselves by overdoing exercise.
More "red flags!" Acknowledge that it is difficult to make a change. Talk to a supportive person or distract yourself.

We say, "I told you so. This new stuff will never work." The cravings increase.
This shows our immediate need to develop a diversion plan to deal with cravings.

We then take a risky action. We go to a smoke-filled bar, or hang out with support group cynics, or phone a friend who berates anyone who exercises.
These are "dangerous situations" that put us on a slippery slope toward relapse. Put diversion plan into effect.

We ignore our "slippery slope," focused as we are on the old behavior.
Now is the time to put our plan into action or we increase the risk of a lapse.

The cravings keep increasing.
"Red flags" are waving. With our limited coping skills, failure to employ an alternative plan, and unwillingness to talk to anyone, we increase the risk of going back to our old behavior.

When we begin to think the old behavior will reduce the cravings, a lapse in maintaining the new behavior is likely to occur. We smoke a cigarette, avoid support group meeting, or miss our regular exercise appointment.
If we understand that the lapse is a natural result of our resistance to change and using the plan, we will be able to go back to our new behavior with minimal guilt. It is also helpful to talk to a supportive person to clarify the situation. We also understand that there is no magic. The cravings will not go away until we find ways of coping with them while maintaining the new behavior. To help contain and reduce cravings, start: (1) a program of new activities, ways of thinking, and acting; (2) self-help groups and psychotherapy; and (3) diet and exercise.

If our guilt is intense and in the absence of a plan, we will likely relapse until our next effort to change.

Relapse Prevention

Preventing relapse requires that we develop a plan tailored to maintaining new behavior. The plan involves integrating into our behavior diversion activities, coping skills, and emotional support. Our decision to cope with cravings is aided by knowing: (1) there is a difference between a lapse and a relapse; and (2) continued coping with the craving while maintaining the new behavior will eventually reduce the craving. These coping skills can make the difference when cravings are intense:

Ask for help from an experienced peer and use relaxation skills to reduce the intensity of the anxiety associated with cravings.

Develop alternative activities, recognize "red flags," avoid situations of known danger to maintaining new behavior, find alternative ways of dealing with negative emotional states, rehearse responses to predictably difficult events, and use stress management techniques to create options when the pressure is intense.

Reward yourself in a way that does not undermine your self-caring efforts.

Pay attention to diet and exercise to improve mood, reduce mood swings, and provide added strength to deal with stressful circumstances and secondary stress symptoms, including loss of sleep, eating/elimination problems, sexual difficulties, and breathing irregularities.

-This article was adapted from Growing Ourselves Up: A Guide to Recovery and Self-Esteem, by the author, Stanley J. Gross, Ed.D.

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Stanley J. Gross, Ed.D.

Biography:

Stanley J. Gross, Ed.D. is licensed as a psychologist in Massachusetts and Indiana, and is co-owner of Access for Change, L.L.C., a firm offering behavioral health services in Quincy, Massachusetts. He is Professor Emeritus of Counseling Psychology at Indiana State University. Dr. Gross trained in systems work with family therapy pioneer Virginia Satir, and at the Boston Family Institute. He is a Certified Addictions Specialist (of the American Academy of Health Care Providers). Dr. Gross regularly offers workshops on self-esteem for the public at the Boston Center for Adult Education and for professionals at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology. He has published numerous articles (and a book) on mental health related issues. Dr. Gross’ doctoral degree is from Columbia University, and he has done post-doctoral work at the University of Illinois Medical School and at the Center for Addictions Study at Harvard Medical School.

Recently I wrote an email to Narcotics Anonymous World Wide Service, asking their permission to use their articles for my Blog. It has become my habit to write to the owner or WebMaster asking their permission whenever I used their articles. I received not one but two replied email from na@org. Below are their replied email in full.

To whoever asked me about NA, please go to na@org. Permission to use their articles are not granted for this Blog. Anyway, I thank Elaine Wickham and Jeff Gershoff for taking off their precious time to reply to my query.

Subject: RE: Permission To Use NA's Articles

Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006 08:32:53 -0800

From: "Elaine Wickham" Elaine@na.org

To: "noor azman othman" longgeng355@yahoo.com

Dear Noor,

We’ve received your email message and want you to know that it’s important to us. The appropriate Board members will see the information or question you sent, if it pertains directly to the Board’s business. Otherwise, a member of the WSO staff will send any further response to you very soon.

In order to avoid duplication, any follow-up to your message should be addressed to me at http://us.f381.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=Elaine@na.org. Please also keep in mind that all other questions can be sent directly to info@na.org.

Thanks very much for writing to NA World Services. We send you our very best wishes in your ongoing recovery and service efforts.

In fellowship,
Elaine Wickham
NAWS

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Subject: FW: Permission To Use NA's Articles

Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2006 09:09:42 -0800

From: "Jeff Gershoff" JeffG@na.org

To: longgeng355@yahoo.com

Hello Noor.

Thank you for writing to NA World Services. As an NA member you have certain rights regarding the quoting or printing of NA copyrighted literature. I am providing a link for you to our main website where you can access a series of bulletins regarding fellowship intellectual property. http://www.na.org/legal/bulletins-fipt.htm Regarding your specific request, we cannot grant your permission to reprint NA copyrighted literature, however we would suggest that providing a link from your blog to http://www.na.org/ will enable readers to access NA literature on-line at the NA World Services site. Please let me know if we can be any further assistance, and wishes for success in your endeavor and your on-going recovery.



Jeff Gershoff, Fellowship Services
818-773-9999 x-131
jeffg@na.org

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Breaking The Habit - Tonight

Do you have a habit that has been haunting you since years? Do you suffer from an inner self conflict, because you were unable to quit that habit? Do you feel pain each time you repeat doing that habit again? Have you tried every possible method to quit smoking or over-eating, yet failed? Do you think that you can’t?

Most of us have suffered from a certain habit through our lives, whether this habit was lying or letting go of our rights, wasting time or over-eating, smoking or even drug abuse. We have all done our best to stop it, we have all felt the pain of emotions that arises from doing what we don’t want to do, but yet, very few of us have succeeded, do you know why?

Because we have never thought of what’s below:

If you think that you can break a habit using will power alone, then you are wrong. Here's the story of Sam, an iron-willed guy who decided to stop smoking. The first day passed, the second day passed and still he resisted the urge to smoke a cigarette. He started to feel happy and confident. Time passed, until one day, he had a car accident. Fortunately he wasn't hurt, but the damage to his car cost him $200. On that day, Sam returned back to smoking...

But why?.... Wasn’t Sam iron-willed? Yes he was, but will power is not constant, it changes with time, it changes with life circumstances and it changes with the ups and downs in our lives. When you are happy, your will power will be strong but when you are disappointed it will become weak. When you're at the top of your achievements your will power may be an iron one, but when you hit your bottom, your will power will reach its minimum level.

So, returning to Sam, what could he have done? Not that hard to guess. He should have taken his decision to quit smoking on a very bad day. He should have chosen a day where his will power is at its bottom, instead of choosing one of the best days in his life to start quitting. If he did succeed to quit while being at his lowest level of will-power, then any other day would be much easier for him because his will-power will be much stronger.

Sam tried to run away from his problems by smoking, he didn’t want to face his real feelings - he just ran away. He ran away to a cigarette, because he couldn’t stand it by himself; Sam had an external dependency. He was dependent on smoking to lift his mood.

You too must know if you have any kind of external dependency that is causing you to continue embracing a habit, and unless you eliminate that dependency, you wont be able to stop nor break your habit. Don’t run away, if you want to escape... then escape; but escape forwards instead of backwards.

Unfortunately, the end of the story was much worse. Sam started to think that he was weak, and that he couldn’t quit, and started to look back at his history to find that he has failed to quit smoking more than ten times; so he just gave up trying again. He gave up because he has built a fake belief, a belief that is composed of two words: “I can’t”. Who knows, maybe if he tried again only once, this would be the one.

Another factor is will-power misuse. Will-power should be channelled to the correct destination instead of being wasted somewhere else. Will power misuse is like trying to break through a wall, instead of opening the door using the knob. An example of will-power misuse is getting very enthusiastic one day then running to do a certain task until you get bored and lose your enthusiasm. To channel your will power correctly, write down a plan when you are enthusiastic, instead of quitting a habit for three days then returning back again to where you started from.

Finally, if you haven’t tried anything addictive yet, then don't. Never try it. Lots of people imagine that trying everything provides them with necessary experience, but they're just doing so to in order to compensate for their lack of knowledge or self confidence, and that’s wrong. Trying something makes the fear of trying fly away. Usually we all have some fear regarding trying something new, this fear is some a protection mechanism that God gave us, so don’t break the wall of fear of trying, and leave your non-constant will power in charge. Never break your first line of defense... Fear of trying. Trying cigarettes will make trying weed much easier, trying weed will make trying drugs much easier, and so on. Each step you go down, makes something worse more accessible and closer to you.

By M.Farouk
www.2knowmyself.com
more than 200 personal development articles on self confidence, anger management, body language, depression, NLP, loneliness and much more.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mohamed_Farouk

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Here is another article by Mohamed Farouk taken from his WebSite, www.2knowmyself.com.

External dependancy and addiction

External dependency is being dependant on an external object or a person in order to feel good or escape a bad mood. That does mean that a person who suffer from external dependency have got problems with his own internal feelings, he feels bad and irritated on his own and so the only solution available for him is to escape to an external object to regulate this bad mood.

External dependency may be in the form of drug intake where the person over take drugs in order to escape a bad mood that he can’t handle. External dependency can also be in the form of smoking cigarettes to reduce stress and even over eating to forget about problems.

As we said external dependency may be concerning a certain person, in this case the dependency is on a person or a partner whom you can’t live without. Having this person in your life makes it bright while losing him makes you almost worthless.

One of the most dangerous cases of external dependency is love addiction, where the person is dependant on the state of love in order to feel good. In this case the person always feels bad except if he was involved in a love relation. This usually shows that the person is not feeling adequate on being alone and so he escapes to love, just to escape and not because he loves the other person.

Did that help?

Yes, am over dependant on cigarettes

Yes, I cant be happy without having a loving partner !!

They say there are no graduation for an addict. There will be no pull-stop to stay clean and sober. We have to be careful throughout our life coz relapse can happen even after 20 years living life without addiction. I have a friend who goes to that phase who eventually died of AIDS even after staying clean and sober for 18 years. During that times, he pick-up his lost life and made a fortune. He got married to a lovely girl, then all of a sudden he started using again. The saying, one is too many, a thousand is never enough held true in his case.

Whatever posts I published are not only for my faithful readers but are also for me. By reading the posts, I'm actually reminding and advising myself not to fall down again. I'm also grateful for my recovery friends listed in My Sacred Links for reminding me too. Here are two articles about aftercare plan. Enjoy reading.......

Addiction Recovery: Top 5 Reasons Why You Need An Aftercare Plan.

If you have a desire to recover from the disease of addiction, you must take certain steps to increase your chances of long-term recovery. Residential treatment is a great place to start you on your road to recovery. Program lengths may vary from 30 days to several months. If you have just returned home from a treatment centre, it is imperative that you have an after care plan and follow it 100%. Below are the top 5 reasons why you must follow your after care plan:

1. You are 100% responsible for your own recovery -- Nobody else can do it for you!
You have the ultimate responsibility of staying clean and sober. Since it is your responsibility, the best way to ensure long-term success is to have an after care plan. An after care plan is a series of tasks you must complete each day to increase your chances of long term sobriety. Some examples of aftercare tasks include going to meetings, calling your sponsor and performing exercise regularly.

2. New behaviors, attitudes and skills require practice
The skills, knowledge and attitudes learned at your residential treatment program are still somewhat new to you. If have learned how to share your feeling with others and ask for help, it is important for you to keep on practicing these skills. Do you know of any professional athletes who do not practice skills in between games and in the off season? Keep practicing the skills, attitudes and knowledge you acquired at the treatment centre and make that part of your after care plan.

3. Old behaviors will quickly return unless you have new behaviors to replace them
Have you been visiting the local bar or liquor store after work on a regular basis for the past 30 years? If so, it is an excellent idea to plan another healthy activity to take its place. Try walking in the park, going to the gym or visiting a friend in recovery instead. Old habits do not die easily or quickly. Draw up a list of the rituals you had when you were actively addicted. Replace the unhealthy old behaviors with healthier new behaviors. Be creative, have fun and ask for help from your recovery friends.

4. You are setting a good example for your peers and for society
It is an absolute gift to be able to recover from the life threatening illness of addiction. If your peers see you working hard on your recovery program, they can use that as an example to work hard on their recovery programs. If the people in your community see you as an active healthy person, it demonstrates that there is plenty of hope for those still suffering! If you want to set a good example for your peers and for society, you must follow a regimented and thoughtful aftercare plan.

5. Your disease will always be waiting for you
The only possible chance you have of remaining clean and sober is through consistent practice of healthy habits. Don’t be tempted to check out your former bar to see how the old gang is doing. Do you really think that anybody who walks into a brothel in the red light district is remotely interested in learning how to dance? Do most people who go to the bar sip on a soft drink all night? Remember that your disease is always waiting for you. Don’t let the door open even a crack.

Although there are countless other reasons that can be added, those are my top 5 reasons why you need an aftercare plan. If you honestly follow your after care plan to the best of your ability, your chances of recovery will increase dramatically. It has often been said that “the worst day in sobriety is still much better than the best day of addiction.”

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Addiction Recovery: Ten Simple Steps to a Strong Aftercare Plan

In the last article, I discussed why it is imperative to have an aftercare plan to help you recover from addiction. So, what needs to be included in your aftercare plan?
My friend Donny has graciously given me permission to reprint his aftercare plan. He has over seven years of sobriety to his credit and still follows this plan to this very date.

1. I will attend 3 AA meetings each week.
How many 12 step meetings do you think you require? If you are unsure, ask your sponsor. In early sobriety, it is often necessary to attend meetings on a daily basis.

2. I will call my sponsor once a week.
Remember your sponsor is your mentor. He has experienced the agony, obstacles and unexpected twists and turns in his own recovery. Call him often and tell him honestly how you are feeling and the problems you are facing. The chances are very likely that he has experienced the same thing and can offer help.

3. I will attend the aftercare program from my treatment centre each Tuesday.
If your treatment centre does not offer any such program, seek out a 12 step study group or equivalent.

4. I will make 3 phone calls a week to recovery people.
It is extremely important to keep in contact with your recovery peers. You are helping each other keep clean and sober. You need to keep reminding each other to keep on working your program. You are going to have plenty of bad days, but always remember that you don’t have to suffer alone! Pick up the phone even if it weighs a thousand pounds!

5. I will eat 3 meals a day
Daily nutrition is part of your overall recovery program. Unless you are properly nourished, it is impossible to think or act properly. At the very least, make sure that you eat 3 meals a day.

6. I will read my meditation book on a daily basis.
You have to feed your mind and your spirit as well as your body. A great way to feed your mind and spirit is by reading a short passage from one of the many inspirational daily meditation books that are available. It is a great way to start your day.

7. I will make my bed daily to remind myself that I am in recovery
Pick a simple daily task such as making your bed to remind yourself that you are in recovery. Simple daily reminders are essential and will help strengthen your recovery program.

8. I will exercise 3-4 times per week.
Recovery from addiction involves the mind, body and spirit. Physical fitness plays a huge role in the recovery from addiction but it is often minimized and deemed as unimportant. Regular exercise releases “endorphins” the body’s natural feel good biochemical compounds. Make sure that you exercise regularly and that it is in balance with rest of your recovery program.

9. I will spend 20 minutes a day quietly in meditation.
Life can often become overwhelming and stressful. An effective way to help calm your stressed body is by sitting quietly or meditating for 20 – 30 minutes daily. There are numerous ways to meditate. “Google” meditation and find a way that works for you.

10. I will read my aftercare plan daily each morning to make sure I am following it.

Be accountable to following your aftercare plan. The easiest way is by making a check list and examining it daily.

If you sincerely desire long-term sobriety, it is crucial that you follow through with your aftercare plan.

Live a life of freedom and love.

Do it now!

Dr. Larry Smith Chiropractor and Author of:

Embrace the Journey of Recovery: From Tragedy to Triumph!

Are You Recovering From Alcohol or Drug Addiction?

“If your answer is yes, then this book is for you!”

Embrace the Journey of Recovery will passionately reignite your spirit and teach you how to confront, conquer and powerfully triumph over addiction, cancer or any other life threatening illness! Is addiction a genuine life threatening illness like cancer? If so, then why is it concealed behind a wall of shame and denial?

Discover the answer and experience the remarkable story of two courageous yet ordinary individuals and their astonishing recoveries from heartbreaking tragedy. Find out how a cancer survivor and an alcoholic mutually support each other and passionately embrace the journey of recovery.

Their message is simple. They transformed their lives and you can too!

To find out more about this exciting new book click here:

http://embracingthejourneybook.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Larry_Smith

Who Does Drug Addiction and Alcoholism Affect?

Alcoholism and drug addiction are quite common in today’s society. Some estimates have shown that over twenty percent of the United States population battles with some form of drug addiction, alcoholism or substance abuse problem

Drug addiction and alcoholism bring only destruction, sorrow, and pain, it affects not only the addict, but also the people in his/her life. Hurting friends and family, drug addiction also permeates professional settings. Employees with drug addiction or alcohol dependency problems hurt businesses and create aggravating and possibly unsafe work environments.

Many untrue myths on the origins of drug addiction and alcoholism continue to circulate. Some attempt to pinpoint the social groups most affected. Others attempt to recognize drug addiction and alcoholism as an illness or a moral defect. These falsehoods perpetuate unnecessary confusion, fear, and shame. Drug addiction or alcoholism does not appear in any particular component of society.

It affects every socio-economic class, ethnicity, and gender. There is no reason to label drug addicts with untrue stereotypes, and there is no need to fear them. At some point everyone struggles with life’s hurdles and needs help from others. Drug addicts and alcoholics are no different from anyone else. No one chooses drug addiction or alcoholism; rather, drug addiction and alcoholism steals from him/her.

How Can Drug Addiction and Alcohol Addiction Be Identified?

Drug addiction and alcohol addiction carry warning signs with them. Some of these are listed below:

* Red or dilated eyes

* Slurred speech

* Cold or sweaty hands

* Difficulties concentrating

* Moody, impatient, dangerous, and/or violent behavior

* Extreme periods of energy (e.g., constant talking) and/or fatigue

* Paranoia

* Sudden or decreasing disregard in personal appearance or hygiene

* Sudden change in friends

* Dishonesty

* Depression

Well over half of drug users work, and two out of five have taken an illicit drug at their work site. Unsurprisingly, almost half of work related accidents involve drug addiction or alcoholism.

Substance abuse, drug addiction and alcoholism on the job manifests in many ways:

* Decreases the quality and/or speed of work.

* Constant absences and/or tardiness (especially right before a weekend or holiday break and right after payday): Researchers find that drugs cause over sixty percent of work absences.

* Often leaving work early

* Lengthening breaks

* Talking more on the phone

* Stealing company supplies and/or profits

How to Help a Drug Addict or Alcoholic?

Drug addiction and alcohol addiction are treatable. The question is ,why do so many recovering addicts return to the same behaviors? Posing a severe problem in and of itself, addiction rarely develops on its own. Drug addiction and substance abuse most often result from inadequate coping of conscious and unconscious issues. Problems stem from unresolved childhood traumas and personal issues. Dependency, denial merely enlarges the initial denial. Substance abusers require extensive patience, compassion, and sensitivity to treat and to heal. For this reason, addicts may need constant encouragement to pursue addiction treatment options and drug rehab.

Know the Signs of Drug Addiction and Alcohol Addiction

Know how to recognize drug addiction and alcohol addiction Identify warning signs. Become familiar with strategies for handling someone with a possible drug addition or alcohol addiction.

Speak with the Individual

This can be difficult. Fears of being wrong often deter people from approaching a possible addict. However, it is better to talk to a person and be wrong then to say nothing and allow a drug addiction or alcohol addiction to continue. Always broach the topic in an unthreatening manner.

Offer Guidance and Suggestions

While demonstrating concern is essential, it is important not to come on too strong. A substance-abuse situation is a delicate matter. While drug addiction may be apparent, all other issues, which contributed to the present condition, are not. Sobriety can never be achieved unless an addict takes charge of his/her own situation and decides to change his/her lifestyle.

Support and Compassion

Even if professionals delicately ask about a possible drug addiction, the addict may still refuse help. Substance abuse and its initial/current life problems create massive feelings of helplessness. They may not feel capable of stopping their drug addiction or alcohol addiction, and they might not trust others, even those that want to help. Nonetheless, with persistent patience and compassion, a professional can communicate his/her sincerity; and eventually, the addict may gain the necessary trust and courage for drug rehab or alcohol rehab.

Addiction Recovery in Alcohol Rehab and Drug Rehab

People suffering from drug addiction and alcohol addiction need both benefits of individualized care and drug rehab and alcohol rehab. Individualized addiction treatment is essential for enduring sobriety. While symptoms may be common, causes are never completely shared. Being an individual automatically implies that life is experienced uniquely. People require different addiction treatment therapies and time in a drug rehab or alcohol rehab to stabilize. Drug addiction and alcohol addiction attacks from all angles and progressively weakens a person into sequestered parts. Addiction treatment programs, drug rehab and alcohol rehab naturally reunites body, mind, and spirit into an enduring whole person again.

A drug rehab program or alcohol rehab program should offer a variety of specified addiction treatment. Incorporated with individual chemical dependency counseling, state-of-the-art methods of psychotherapy and hypnotherapy enable people to heal from anxiety and memories which often cause the self-medicating substance abuse. Family counseling repairs the relationships contributing to and brought on by addiction. Life purpose and spiritual counseling enable people to embrace their true identities and to move positively forward.

Rejuvenating all components of human life, comprehensive alcohol rehab and drug rehab offers further treatments including:

- Physical Training - Massage/Bodywork - Acupuncture - Nutritional Advisement - Yoga/Music/Arts Treatment - Image Therapy - Peaceful and Soothing Environment

Complete drug rehab or alcohol rehab programs develop further specialty therapies to address specific client needs. A team closely works to create the best individualized addiction treatment possible. Most importantly, all activities focus directly on healing the initial problems that caused the drug addiction or alcoholism.

Professional help is needed to eradicate drug addiction or alcoholism Professionals play critical roles in the detection and recovery of substance abuse/addiction problems. If you are looking for a quality and effective drug rehab or alcohol rehab, go to http://www.lakeviewhealth.com or call a national addiction treatment helpline at 1-800-511-9225 and they will assist you in locating a drug rehab or alcohol rehab in your local area.

Jonathan Huttner is a principal of Lakeview Health, a drug rehab and alcohol rehab located in Jacksonville Florida. In addition to drug rehab services, Lakeview also offers a gay drug rehab component to its addiction treatment services called freedom Rings.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jonathan_Huttner

Shadow has tagged me, but I can't find something weird about me to write about. I gonna put it on hold for the time being. For now I'm going to present you with three awesome articles about our beloved Narcotics Anonymous or just NA to some. For the un-inform, in NA, we follow a program adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous. More than one million people have recovered in AA, most of them just as hopelessly addicted to alcohol as we were to drugs. We are grateful to the AA fellowship for showing us the way to a new life.

The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous, as adapted from AA, are the basis of our recovery program. We have only broadened their perspective. We follow the same path with a single exception; our identification as addicts is all-inclusive in respect to any mood-changing, mind-altering substance. "Alcoholism" is too limited a term for us; our problem is not a specific substance, it is a disease called "addiction". We believe that as a fellowship, we have been guided by a Greater Consciousness, and are grateful for the Direction that has enabled us to build upon an already-proven program of recovery.

I hope you enjoy reading both articles as much as I do. All three articles are taken from http://substance-abuse-01.com. I thanked them for these wonderful articles. So, here it is;

12 Step Program Explained

The organization known as Alcoholics Anonymous is widely known for the great help it renders to people with alcohol addiction problems. The organization carries out the program through a foundation referred to as the 12 step program.

Numerous addicts attributed their successful battle with alcohol to the program. And as a result of its phenomenal success, a lot of people have included the 12 step program to help them combat other forms of addictions apart from alcoholism and drug. Generally, the 12 step program is beneficial to anyone who desires to have control of their lives and behavior.

The program consists of twelve levels, the first being surrendering power. When alcohol, drugs or other dangerous elements are present in a person's body, there is a tendency for the individual's life to spin out of control. And at this stage, such people feel the situation can still be controlled, but this is usually not true, as there are certain cases that simply can't be controlled, and accepting this fact is the initial step.

Both the second and third steps encourage the individual to look up to a superior power. And this is where lots of critics of the 12 step program spotted a flaw, claiming the procedure is too religious in nature. In fairness to them, they are not far from the truth, because the second step states that belief in a power by the individual is important, while the third preaches that an individual must place his entire life in the hands of the Supreme Being- God.

The next step, (fourth) is all about moral inventory and this too has a religious undertone, and no one knows this better than anyone who has sat in a confessional. The fifth level of the 12 step program urges the person to admit his guilt personally, his relatives, friends and colleagues, and lastly God.

The next step bears a very close resemblance to the first- surrendering power. However, instead of being helpless to the dangerous element, the person becomes helpless to God. The Supreme Being is saddled with the task of eliminating the unpleasant sides of the person's personality. This approach is obviously passive, and not surprisingly has come under the hammer of critics.

The next successive three levels can be summed up as consisting of atoning for the inequities of the person. This takes us to the tenth and eleventh levels. The former seeks another moral inventory, while the latter urges devotion and close ties with God. The last level of the 12 step program offers spiritual rebirth, and urges the person to proclaim his achievements.

Predictably, critics of the 12 step program are having a field day tearing the program to shreds. From claims of it being too religious, to assertions that the person is rendered powerless, because the situation is no longer under his control the instant he places everything in the hands of a supreme power.

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The 12 Step Program Broken Down

One amazing entity I know of is the 12-step program. The 12-step program as I know it is also a durable, very popularly offered and used instrument for recovery. In short if I am to put it right, the 12-step program is a lifeline to many people.

This program was formed by the duo of Bob and Bill, two chronic alcoholics who came to the conclusion that by assisting each other and abiding with some fundamental rules, which include abstinence, and a higher power of your choosing, they can assist many alcoholics who need help from the throes of the condition.

This 12-step program kicked off as Alcoholic Anonymous, and later metamorphosed into a motley of groups like the 12 step program Narcotics Anonymous, the 12 step program ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics, the 12 step overeater's Anonymous and a host of other groups that deals with issues like smoking, sex, addiction, etc.

Below are the 12 steps which anonymous "followers" adhere to:

1. Admission of being helpless over their addiction, which has left their life in a crisis.

2. Belief in the creed that a superior force that supercedes theirs can help bring back order into their life.

3. Resolution to submit to the will of the Creator.

4. Embark on an honest and in-depth introspection.

5. Coming out clean in the presence of the Creator, men, and ourselves about our inequities.

6. Ready for the benevolence of the All Mighty to wipe off the inequities.

7. Praying to God to eliminate our faults.

8. Collate the list of all human beings we have offended, and subsequently seek their forgiveness.

9. Seek out such people and make peace with them, unless if doing so will jeopardize their life or that of others.

10. Continue to do soul searching and when faults are discovered, admit such instantly.

11. Pray and meditate for better relationship with God, and praying for the wisdom to submit to His will and the capacity to carry out such will.

12. Hoping that the spiritual resurgence will enable us practice the steps and preach it to other addicts.

These 12 step program anonymous emphasizes principles rather than the personality, and is totally free, although a basket is passed around during meetings for voluntary donations. The inference we can make from the 12 step program is a procedure that demands nothing, abide by the steps, and obtaining a sponsor.

To avoid any controversy, we will leave you with this saying by one recovered addict that depicts the best of the 12 step recovery: do not appropriate anything nor harm anyone, and for those new to the procedure, he has this message for them: Nothing is required from you other than to sit down, keep mute, and be attentive.

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The Fellowship Called Alcoholics Anonymous

What we all know as Alcoholics Anonymous is actually nothing more than a fellowship of men and women who have resolved to steer clear of any intoxicant, remain sober, and assisting others attain the same status. Alcoholic Anonymous, AA for short, was conceptualized in 1935 by two alcoholics, who else you say?

Both resolved to quit drinking and assist others to make similar a resolution. Not longer after this, local chapters of Alcoholics Anonymous started springing up in almost every part of America, and around the globe.

The Alcoholics Anonymous through its website located at alcoholics-anonymous.org estimated that it has on its books an excess of 100,000 groups comprising of about 2 million members globally. These groups are sustained by voluntary donations and do not demand any fee for registration from new members. The only thing that makes anyone eligible to attend a meeting is the will to quit alcohol and attain a sober status.

The usual practice almost anywhere is for alcohol addicts who resolve to quit the habit, to seek treatment on their own. This might have emanated as an order from either a court or from their work place. Either way, the addict will get the needed support from the expected quarters- their families. However this decision might as well be as a result of the addict being at a very low ebb, and the alcohol causing disruptions in his life and that of his family.

If such person seeks treatment in an inpatient center, it is mandatory to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, the side effect of this is the probability of the treatment coming to naught if the addicted is not willing to cooperate. Most alcohol addicts usually try to quit the habit several times on their own, until they decide to seek assistance, and this is where Alcoholics Anonymous comes into play because its door is open to anyone that decides to quit drinking and stay that way. The treatment regime is centered on a 12 step program that assist the addict to return back to their normal sober status.

In the U.S, Alcoholics Anonymous hold their meetings in almost every city at various locations that are donated by churches and private or public meeting facilities. The standard practice is to urge members to share their experiences, albeit if they are willing to do. If you are a new member that is serious about dumping the habit, then you must seek out a sponsor who will put through the process. Such person will be at your beck with only a moment's notice if you need them when you are feeling low and need encouragement to forge on.

The whole concept of Alcoholic Anonymous is based on abstaining from alcohol gradually, so it is imbibed into members that they can only take a drink at a time. No wonder the slogan "one drink is too much and yet a hundred are not enough" echoes perpetually in the ears of convalescing addicts. The common objective of all alcoholics is to attain a sober status, irrespective of race, social status, and geographical location. And the anonymous bit about AA is the fact that whatever issues are discussed in their meetings are not for the consumption of non members.

The process of recovery is a long one, but with support and motivation from the expected source-the family, an addict can weather the storm and quit the habit for good. They only need to let things evolve nature, which is the best route for a successful recovery process.

Many addicts across the globe are beneficiaries of the Alcoholics Anonymous program, and have remained sober since they sought help. Anyone who needs more information about this fellowship can check them at www.alcoholics-anonymous.org or contact the nearest Alcoholics Anonymous' chapter in your locality.

The issue of anonymity still crops up once in awhile. I still got that million dollars question from known and unknown friends. I would like it very much to answer those question but my dear new found friend, Anne Wayman wouldn't let me. I'm honoured and appreciated it very much for her request to answer those question for me. Thank you, Anne. So, without any further ado, I shall leave it to her to answer your question about anonymity. Here she is, Miss Anne Wayman.......

Why I Break My Anonymity Yet Respect Yours?

Step 9 – Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

It's obvious to anyone familiar with 12 Step Traditions that I am not in alignment with those requiring anonymity. Tradition 11 says, "Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films." and Tradition 12 says, "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, every reminding us to place principles before personalities."

When I first began writing Powerfully Recovered! I assumed I would publish anonymously, but as the book developed I began to feel uneasy with the idea of hiding behind the two anonymity traditions.

A Challenge to the Fellowship

After all, I am making a challenge to the 12 Step Fellowship and questioning much of what has become customary thinking in the various Fellowships. I finally decided you have an absolute right to know exactly who is making this challenge.

On the other hand, I also believe each one of us has the right to anonymity if we choose and I assume you want to protect yours. So I work hard to make sure I don't use anyone's name, email or other identifier without specific permission.

Does Blanket Anonymity Still Serve?

That said, I've also included in Powerfully Recovered! a rather detailed appendix about my thinking about the whole anonymity issue. There I wonder if it truly serves us to insist on it for the following reasons:

• Times have changed and there have been many anonymity breaks - none of which seem to have hurt 12 Step Programs. In fact, they may have helped remove the stigma associated with addiction/dysfunction.
  
• Although remaining anonymous may mean we put principles before personalities, we have a number of personalities in most of the 12 Step Programs who are well known even though they don't use their whole name.
  
• Anonymity promotes secrecy - and generally, I don't believe keeping secrets is good for recovery.
  
• Anonymity can promote shame; it's my hunch we'd do better acknowledging each other and ourselves for our success. Such acknowledgement can go a long way toward increasing an individual's self-worth.
  

It's Your Choice


Of course, I believe each one of us has the right to choose - and it's choice I advocate. I would change the 11th Tradition to read: Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always protect the anonymity of others, even if we choose to break our own.

"But once a need (for change) becomes clearly apparent in an individual, a group, or A.A. as a whole, it has long since been found out that we cannot stand still and look the other way." (As Bill Sees It, p. 115)

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Here is another timeless question. Another classic "to be or not to be!" As for me, I would like to attend those meetings because I got the chance to meet and talk with a person who has the mentality to get well. In fact everyone who go to those meetings are those who want to stay clean and sober. Their positive attitude and enthusiasm can be felt in those meetings. Whatever are your feeling before going to those meetings, will be charged up. In the end we shared those positive wave length and we felt good about ourselves!

My dear friend, Anne Wayman also wants to tell a thing or two about those topic. Here it is and have a pleasant reading.

Do I Have to Go to Meetings?

Yes, but there are options

Over and over again people coming to 12 Step Recovery to handle their addictions ask, "Do I have to go to meetings? For the rest of my life?"

This is one of those issues I didn't have – I looked forward to meetings as a way to get out of the house. But it's a real problem for some.

The traditional answer is you must go to meetings if you want to let go of your addiction. As usual, however, that response doesn't reflect the huge variety of ways people get well.

The real answer is, "no, you don't have to go to meetings, but it probably will make your life much easier if you do." The reason the answer is 'no' is not because the meetings aren't tremendously valuable, they are. But there are alternatives.

Loners

For example, from almost the beginning, A.A. had a group of "loners." These were people who lived and worked in far-flung areas of the world. They discovered that they could stay sober when they kept in contact, via letters and short-wave radio, with others. It wasn't possible for them to attend meetings, so they created another solution. Contact your nearest A.A., N.A. etc. office to find out how to participate. You can also get information by writing to:

A.A. World Services, Inc.
P.O.Box 459 Grand Central
Station New York, NY 10163 or
by sending email to
Loners International Meetings (LIM)
at lim@aa.org


Online meetings

A much newer phenomena is the online meeting. There are dozens and dozens of these on the web, and some people find them an adequate substitute for meetings in brick and mortar places. I've used them myself, and know some who use them exclusively.

There are a couple of potential problems with online meetings. First of all, you'll be using a nick name to log on. This means you won't really be 'known' in the same way you would be in f2f meetings or by letter or radio. You can lessen this impact by using the same nickname all the time – that way your identity will begin to show which is valuable in this business of getting clean and sober.

The other problem is that you don't know who is in the chat room because they are also using nicknames. So you have to be extra careful about the advice and suggestions. Knowing the Program is a partial defense against this; so is choosing one or two online meetings and attending them on a regular basis so you get a true feel for who is who.

So, bottom line is you don't have to go to meetings. There are alternatives. But really, I strongly suggest you do attend some.

Anne Wayman are the author at http://www.powerfullyrecovered.com/. All of her articles are original; some of them have also appeared on About.com's Alcoholism site, and SelfGrowth.

p/s I just got back my beloved computer after being 'sick' for a few days. I hope this time she will be alright. For the past few days I felt so restless without my dear computer. My darling wife even told me that I tossed and turned in my sleep!

When I told my loving wife about my loss, she said she was very happy and felt jubilant for me. She said with my new found love, at the very least, she knows where I am? She's even happy to notice that I shall be home all the time 'dueling' with my computer!

You see, she has these phobia not knowing where I've been most of the time. And every time the phone rings, she felt cold sweat flowing on her neck. She was so afraid to receive a call from the authorities, lest she will be told that I can be found inside a lock-up!

Today's post is about TC or Therapeutic Community. I chose these topic because our jails and rehabilitation centers in Malaysia are implementing TC program to rehabilitate their inmates and patients. Even our leading Pengasih Malaysia are using TC. Let's hear a welcome note from Pengasih's President, Mohd Yunus Pathi CSAC.

PENGASIH Malaysia Non-Profit Organization was initiated by reformed drug users in 1987.

Currently, we are providing treatment services for those suffering from substance abuse such as drugs, chemicals and alcohol. Over 3,500 clients have benefitted from our program. We are the only Rehab Centre wholly operated by former drug users.

We grow through knowledge building, hard work as well as through moral support from the government, special interest groups and private citizens. We adopted the Therapeutic Community (TC) approach in 1993 and is an active member of World Federation of Therapeutic Communities as well as the Asian Federation of Therapeutic Communities.

In training and development, we have worked with various organizations from USA, Indonesia, Thailand, Maldives, Sri Lanka, South Africa, South Korea, Singapore, Phillipines, Pakistan, India and etc. PENGASIH TC approach have been adopted by associates in Indonesia and Maldives. We have hosted so far about 100 international TC trainees, men and women.

By sharing knowledge, we will learn much from each other. The benefit we seek is, to live a better life - free from drugs. Together, we will make a difference in our future, from what we are today.

-Mohd Yunus Pathi, CSAC
President, Persatuan PENGASIH MalaysiaAssociate Chairman - Operations, WFTC New York Vice President, Asian Federation of Therapeutic Communities Certified Substance Abuse Counsellor, WFTC New YorkTrainer/Consultant, Life Skills

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What is a therapeutic community?

The therapeutic community (TC) for the treatment of drug abuse and addiction has existed for about 40 years. In general, TCs are drug-free residential settings that use a hierarchical model with treatment stages that reflect increased levels of personal and social responsibility. Peer influence, mediated through a variety of group processes, is used to help individuals learn and assimilate social norms and develop more effective social skills.

TCs differ from other treatment approaches principally in their use of the community, comprising treatment staff and those in recovery, as key agents of change. This approach is often referred to as "community as method." TC members interact in structured and unstructured ways to influence attitudes, perceptions, and behaviors associated with drug use.

Many individuals admitted to TCs have a history of social functioning, education/vocational skills, and positive community and family ties that have been eroded by their substance abuse. For them, recovery involves rehabilitation -- relearning or re-establishing healthy functioning, skills, and values as well as regaining physical and emotional health.

Other TC residents have never acquired functional life-styles. For these people, the TC is usually their first exposure to orderly living. Recovery for them involves habilitation -- learning for the first time the behavioral skills, attitudes, and values associated with socialized living.

In addition to the importance of the community as a primary agent of change, a second fundamental TC principle is "self-help." Self-help implies that the individuals in treatment are the main contributors to the change process. "Mutual self-help" means that individuals also assume partial responsibility for the recovery of their peers -- an important aspect of an individual's own treatment.

How beneficial are therapeutic communities in treating drug addiction?

For three decades, NIDA has conducted several large studies to advance scientific knowledge of the outcomes of drug abuse treatment as typically delivered in the United States. These studies collected baseline data from over 65,000 individuals admitted to publicly funded treatment agencies.

They included a sample of TC programs and other types of programs (i.e., methadone maintenance, out-patient drug-free, short-term inpatient, and detoxification programs). Data were collected at admission, during treatment, and in a series of followups that focused on outcomes that occurred 12 months and longer after treatment.

These studies found that participation in a TC was associated with several positive outcomes. For example, the Drug Abuse Treatment Outcome Study (DATOS), the most recent long-term study of drug treatment outcomes, showed that those who successfully completed treatment in a TC had lower levels of cocaine, heroin, and alcohol use; criminal behavior; unemployment; and indicators of depression than they had before treatment.

Who receives treatment in a therapeutic community?

TCs treat people with a range of substance abuse problems. Those treated often have other severe problems, such as multiple drug addictions, involvement with the criminal justice system, lack of positive social support, and mental health problems (e.g., depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, and antisocial and other personality disorders).

For example, in DATOS, which tracked 2,345 admissions to residential TC treatment between 1991 and 1993, two-thirds of admissions had a criminal justice status (e.g., on probation, on parole, or pending trial) at admission, and about a third had been referred to treatment from the criminal justice system. Nearly a third of admissions were women, and nearly half were African American. Sixty percent had prior drug abuse treatment experience.

The article above are taken from NIDA-National Institude On Drug Abuse. And below is an article which I copied and pasted from www.daytop.org.

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What is a Therapeutic Community?

The therapeutic community is a drug-free self help program whose primary goals are the cessation of substance abuse behaviors and the fostering of personal growth. The TC model incorporates nine essential elements. These elements are based on the social learning theory that utilizes the community to foster behavioral and attitudinal change.

The elements are: active participation, membership feedback, role modeling, collective formats for guiding individual change, shared norms and values, structure and systems, open communication, individual and group relationships and a unique terminology.

The TC includes both professional and para-professional staff. Graduates of the TC program who have completed classroom and internship training in counseling are an essential part of the program's effectiveness, as is the inclusion of professionals from the fields of medicine, mental health, education, and law.

Community activities help members explore and learn about themselves in the following four distinct yet overlapping areas of personal development: behavior management, emotional/psychological, intellectual and spiritual and vocation/education and survival skills. The TC believes that people can change and that learning occurs through challenge and action, understanding and sharing common human experiences.

Treatment in the TC begins with entry into the community. Here the member learns the values and norms of the community, which are a reflection of those held by society. In the middle phase of treatment, members explore individual histories and experiences, practice new behaviors and begin to gain increased self-esteem and knowledge of themselves.

As new attitudes and behaviors are developed so too are individual goals and possibilities for the future, including vocational and educational training. The next phase of treatment involves the important task of re-entry into the larger community. New ways of relating to others are practiced and members gain valuable experience in working or going to school outside the TC while receiving support from the community. Ultimately, the member will be ready to live independently and continue to gain support from an aftercare program.

The TC model is adaptable to different client populations and settings. Adolescent programs include a full educational curriculum and greater family involvement. The model can be adapted to an outpatient setting, long or shorter-term treatment and include specialized groups such as those involving medical regimes or other lifestyle changes. The TC engages the whole person in the recovery process and challenges the individual to have a full, positive life with healthy supportive relationships and satisfying work.

© DAYTOP ~ webmaster@daytop.org

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I thank you for all the comments received from my last post. The situation still remains the same. I can't help it comparing them and ME!!! But one thing for sure, I ain't gonna stay 'small' anymore. With my wife help, I'm opening a retail shop at home. Please pray for my success, guys/gals.

p/s Sorry for being late. I'm having problem with my computer.

All my wife's brothers and sisters are back home during the weekend. All the Bigshots in business, including the doctor and the expatriate from London are home to visit their mother. I felt so small, I wish I could just disappeared. The only escapism available, is to turn to my computer and my recovery friends. Thank you Motocycle Mike, Shadow, X-Tina, DryBlog, tkd junkie, Gwen, lostboy Steve, JJ, Scout, Scott W, Carly, the gang at half-nAAked Thursday, William,and the rest who I knew will always stand by me, for being a wonderful friends.

These words keep turning up in my mind, "We should constantly be encouraged, affirmative, and participate only the best to unfold as we reside within the integrity developed through our thorough loyalty to remain clean and sober."


Experiencing Post Acute Withdrawal:

I start having problems with one or more of the following; thinking difficulties, emotional overreaction problems, sleep disturbances, memory difficulties, becoming accident prone, and/or starting to experience a serious sensitivity to stress.

Return To Denial:

I stop telling others what I’m thinking/feeling and start trying to convince myself or others that everything is all right, when in fact it is not.

Avoidance And Defensive Behavior:

I start avoiding people who will give me honest feedback and/or I start becoming irritable and angry with them.

Starting To Crisis Build:

I start to notice that ordinary everyday problems become overwhelming and no matter how hard I try, I can’t solve my problems.

Feeling Immobilized (Stuck):

I start believing that there is nowhere to turn and no way to solve my problems. I feel trapped and start to use magical thinking.

Becoming Depressed:

I start feeling down-in-the dumps and have very low energy. I may even become so depressed that I start thinking of suicide.

Compulsive And/Or Impulsive Behaviors (Loss Of Control):

I start using one or more of the following- food, sex, caffeine, nicotine, work, gambling, etc. often in an out of control fashion. And/or I may react without thinking of the consequences of my behavior on myself and others.

Urges And Cravings (Thinking About Drinking/Using):

I begin to think that alcohol/drug use is the only way to feel better. I start thinking about justifications to drink/use and convince myself that using is the logical thing to do.

Chemical Loss Of Control (Drinking/Using):

I find myself drinking/using again to solve my problems. I start to believe that “it’s all over ‘till I hit bottom, so I may as well enjoy this relapse while it’s good.” My problems continue to get worse.

Adapted from Terence T. Gorski's Warning Sign Identification Process


THE TEN MOST COMMON RELAPSE DANGERS

1. Being in the presence of drugs or alcohol, drug or alcohol users, or places where you used or bought chemicals.

2. Feelings we perceive as negative, particularly anger; also sadness, loneliness, guilt, fear, and anxiety.

3. Positive feelings that make you want to celebrate.

4. Boredom.

5. Getting high on any drug.

6. Physical pain.

7. Listening to war stories and just dwelling on getting high.

8. Suddenly having a lot of cash.

9. Using prescription drugs that can get you high even if you use them properly.

10. Believing that you no longer have to worry (complacent). That is, that you are no longer stimulated to crave drugs/alcohol by any of the above situations, or by anything else – and therefore maybe it’s safe for you to use occasionally.


RELAPSE ATTITUDES

SOBRIETY IS BORING

I’LL NEVER DRINK/USE AGAINI CAN DO IT MYSELF

I’M NOT AS BAD AS …..I OWE THIS ONE TO ME

MY PROBLEMS CAN’T BE SOLVED

I WISH I WAS HAPPY

I DON’T CARE

IF NOBODY ELSE CARES, WHY SHOULD I?

THINGS HAVE CHANGED

I CAN SUBSTITUTE

THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT

THERE’S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY

I CAN’T CHANGE THE WAY I THINK

IF I MOVE, EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE

I LIKE MY OLD FRIENDS

I CAN DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY

NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW HOW I FEEL

I’M DEPRESSED

I SEE THINGS MY WAY ONLY

I FEEL HOPELESS

I CAN HANDLE IT

IF I HIDE BEHIND EVERYONE ELSE’S PROBLEMS, I WON’T HAVE TO FACE MY OWN

I CAN’T DO IT

WHY TRY

THE EVENT: A RETURN TO THE USE OF ALCOHOL AND/OR DRUGS.


The article above was copy and pasted from www.drug-rehabilitation.com.

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Below is a joke that I received from ArcaMax. It show you how you can be in trouble if you're still 'using' or blow your top!

Police Stop
John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."

Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."

So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"

Jessica replied, "Only when he's drunk."

I've got three awesome articles I got from Maureen Staiano. Wanna post it last night for your reading pleasure but I lost my editing tools. "Better late than never" as the saying goes. To me recovery is not about 'not using' only but it's also about self-improvement. We've reached a point in our lives where we felt like a lost cause. Our worth to our jobs, families and friends was little or none. Any form of success was frightening and un familiar. Failure had become our way of life. Personality change was what we really needed. Change from self-destruction patterns of life became necessary. We had had enough of self-destruction!

Our first article is about recovery. When in early recovery from drugs and alcohol it is important to have a realistic perspective of time. Unfortunately an addict's and alcoholic's concept time tends to be warped. This article covers some helpful advice regarding time and early recovery.

Our second article, the important of listening. An art and craft needed in our journey to recovery. Many people think that the key to be a good communiacator is to be a well developed speaker. In this article we look at the other side of the communication coin. The importance of being a powerful listener.

Last but not least, our last article today is about our gift after all the receiving we have gotten! If you have reached a point in your life where you know you have knowledge and experience to share, why not become a mentor? Spread the word of hope to all mankind, that there is a beautiful life out there. Share your experience, strength and hope. We cared and willing to help. We found that no matter what our past thoughts and actions were, others had felt and done the same. Surrounded by fellow addicts, we realized that we were not alone!

So, without further ado, let's get on with it. Here it is;


Recovery From Drug and Alcohol Addiction

Recovery from drug addiction and alcohol addiction is stressful in the best of circumstances. The addict/alcoholic wishes that they could fast forward time and have all the past negative history behind them, overnight in fact would be preferable. The watchful eyes of family, friends and employers take their toll and the minutes seem to tick by in slow motion as the discomfort for all involved still remains. One important thing for the recovering addict to remember is that their concept of time is a bit warped.

Take for instance their using. If you ask an addict or alcoholic if they are currently using because their behavior indicates that may be the case, they will often state “Oh I haven’t used in a long time!” If pushed to elaborate what constitutes a long time it may often be a day or two at most. To the addict that IS a long time. To those around him or her it is an extremely short amount of time and they are still holding their breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.

In early recovery each day may deem to drag on uncomfortably. Preoccupation with wanting to use drugs or alcohol fights against determination to be drug and alcohol free. On top of that, a whole new way of living is being learned a minute, an hour and a day at a time. As they look around them they might feel resentful for how easy others are just sailing through the day when for them it feels as though it will never end. They think to themselves “I have to try to do this the rest of my life?”

When recovery is the goal it is important to gain acceptance of the truth that time takes time. There are only twenty four hours in any given day, 1440 minutes and 86,400 seconds. Just because the recovering alcoholic and addict would like it to be less and for their journey on the road to recovery to be further along does not change the physical aspect of time. It simply is what it is. That is why “One Day at a Time” is such an important slogan in twelve step recovery.

Almost every recovering addict and alcoholic is coming from a place of instant gratification. They are used to going with their impulses and the consequence be damned. Now a whole new way of living is attempted. The recovering person is learning to delay gratification and substitute worthwhile pursuits for the drink or drug of choice that has been the focus for so long. That takes practice and it takes TIME.

Having a plan for each day can keep someone new to recovery occupied throughout the crucial first weeks and months of recovery. That is why there are so many support meetings for alcohol and drug addiction. Other recovering addicts and alcoholics well remember the early days and how slowly they seemed to move at times. The hour or so they spend together may well be one less hour spent staring at the clock wondering if they are going to make it.

If it is tough to get out to many meetings and you have access to the computer there are even meetings on line. The phone is invaluable as no one understands this somewhat warped perspective of time better than another recovering person. Sharing the frustrations with how slow time may “seem” to be passing can be helpful. Gaining insight as to how others have survived it may be life-saving.

It is as important to remember that many people want the addict or alcoholic to succeed. They often have a truer sense of how much time has really passed. As the days and then weeks and then months pass by without the ensuing chaos brought about by the addict, these folks will begin to relax. The addict and alcoholic will begin to relax as well as they have put a significant amount of time between themselves and their last episode of using. Recovery from drug addiction and alcohol is not easy but it will help to keep a true perspective of the value of time.


The Important Of Listening in Communication

The importance of listening in communication is enormous. People often focus on their speaking ability believing that good speaking equals good communication. The ability to speak well is a necessary component to successful communication. The ability to listen is equally as important.
The importance of listening in communication is often well illustrated when we analyze our listening skills with those closest to us. In particular I am referring to our spouse, partner, children or friends. Pay attention to the everyday conversations we have with these people with whom we think we communicate well.

Do you ever find yourself mindlessly saying “uh huh” when one of these folks is trying to tell you something only to have say just after “I’m sorry what did you say?" Have you been in a conversation with one of them and you are not really listening completely to what they have to say because you are too busy formulating your response?

This is actually quite common and yet we think we are good communicators. In order to communicate effectively we have to be able to hear what the other person is saying. Not just hear because the acoustics are good or because the other person is speaking in a loud enough tone. It is important that we hear what the person is saying because we have taken the time to actively listen.

Listening takes work and when it comes to improving our communication there is no getting around that. When we are listening to music or watching T.V. we can certainly let our minds wander. If we want our communication skills to get stronger it is important that we not day dream in a conversation but instead concentrate fully on what the other person is saying.
No doubt this can be difficult. Not every conversation we are in is particularly interesting. If however, we want to improve these skills focus is important even when dealing with younger children and teenagers.

Allowing the person to completely finish their thought before you begin to form a response is also crucial to good listening. To take it even one step further wait a moment before you begin to reply. This gives the other person a chance to add anything else they may have thought of. By waiting an additional moment before you reply you also let the other person know they have been heard completely. If you practice this for a time people will relax when conversing with you because they will know that they don’t have to rush to get their two cents in. They will appreciate the fact that they can communicate with you and be heard.

When having those important conversations with the people closest to you, try taking it one step further and repeating back what they said “what I heard you say is you are uncomfortable...” By doing this you give the other person the opportunity to correct any misconceptions that may have occurred or to clarify any points they were trying to make. This heightens the level of communication you are enjoying. And the person you are communicating with will certainly feel respected and important given the care you are taking with the conversation.

The technique of repeating back for clarity had been extremely useful when I have had conversations with my teenagers. It also comes in handy when speaking with a spouse or partner. Often times in those situations we begin to assume we know what the other person means. Allowing them to express themselves completely actually allows for greater intimacy, something we often desire in our relationships but wonder why we are not achieving.
The importance of listening in communication is something worthwhile to consider. Good listeners are often some of the best speakers because they have taken the time to find out what people are truly interested in. If you understand what is important to people than you understand how to reach them.

The strategies I spoke about are just as effective in the workplace especially in sales. If you are really listening to what your customer wants it will be that much easier to fulfill their needs. The customer will be impressed that you listened to what they were communicating instead of just going into sales mode. I have personally found in sales that the more I listened and the less I talked the better my sales ratio was and the more satisfied my clients were. That is a win-win situation for all involved.


The Gift Of Being A Mentor

As we move through our lives we gather an abundance of knowledge and experience covering a myriad of areas. As we stop and reflect upon all this knowledge we may be struck with the desire to share with others our experiences and the knowledge we have gained. We know in our hearts that what we have gained in experience in our life could be of benefit. So in possession of this knowledge and experience and with the desire to share it, where do we start?

How about becoming a mentor? Mentoring has been around for a long time and has grown and evolved over the years. A mentoring relationship is one in which one person, often older, but always with more experience guides another person’s development. Mentoring can be utilized in almost any area of life.

Most everyone has heard of Big Brothers and Big Sisters, an incredible program matching adults with under privileged children. The positive results experienced by the children participating in the program are truly impressive. This is only one area where mentoring has had proven results.

Teachers also have the opportunity to be mentors encouraging students to reach for goals they may never have dreamed possible. Teachers in particular work so closely with children for so many hours of the day they are given a wonderful chance to impact a child’s life in a favorable way. Many of us can look back fondly in remembrance of at least one teacher who had a lasting positive effect on our life.

Some school systems have implemented mentoring programs for children enlisting the help of adult volunteers. The results have been well documented including increased school attendance, educational performance, confidence and self-esteem. The adults have been given a priceless opportunity to influence a child’s life.

Business and the corporate environment have recognized the value of mentors and mentoring programs. In larger corporations a mentor will be assigned to incoming junior employees to give these newest members of the corporation the best possible start. Similar programs have been started in many schools to support the new teachers coming into the education system. Any career path you are contemplating would be benefited by enlisting the guidance of a mentor and many people already established in a certain career still work with a mentor to further themselves in their chosen field. As a coach I work with a mentor coach and find it an invaluable business and life resource.

With the increase of entrepreneurs forging ahead to start their own businesses, mentors will be in higher demand as their prior business experience and knowledge will be invaluable. The same holds true for any business owner targeting a niche market, where specific prior experience in the similar niche could influence success or failure.

As for the person contemplating what to do with their wealth of experience and knowledge; what should they expect?

Mentoring is truly the gift of yourself that you share with another human being. It is a relationship you establish with the mentor in the place of more experience and the mentee the benefactor of your experience and guidance.

Both people truly benefit from this special relationship. The mentor will gain the pleasure of sharing their knowledge. They will also discover a new excitement surrounding the area in which they are serving as a mentor. When you observe someone else benefiting from your knowledge and experience it is difficult not to feel a sense of pleasure and fulfillment. We all want to know we matter in this world, that we indeed have made a difference. Becoming a mentor is one of the great ways to have a positive impact on another human being.

If you want to get started on being a mentor, get clear on who you would like to work with and whether it would be in a business context or helping someone develop in their personal life. Do you want to work one on one or would you like to share your experience with a greater number of people?

Once you have a direction, do the research. Big Brothers Big Sisters is always looking for volunteers. Many school systems offer programs of their own. A phone call will likely give you the information you may need. The internet contains many websites regarding mentoring opportunities and how to get started. If you currently work in a large corporation, check with the Human Resource department for opportunities that may exist in your company.

If you feel that you would like to put your writing talents to good use, mentoring is a wonderful opportunity. I have many of my most influential mentors between the pages of a book.

Most importantly get started. The world is in need of your experience and the gift of yourself, don’t keep it waiting. The benefits you will enjoy will be priceless.

Maureen Staiano is a Life Coach specializing in working with women and the unique and challenging transitions we face in our lives. Please visit Maureen at: http://www.achieveyourdreamcoaching.com/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Maureen_Staiano

World's AIDS Day is Friday, December 1 -- a day commemorating the millions of lives lost to this deadly disease, reminding us of the millions suffering from HIV or AIDS, and the millions still at risk. AIDS has killed more than 25 million people, making it one of the most destructive epidemics in recorded history. Despite recent, improved access to antiretroviral treatment and care in many regions of the world, the AIDS epidemic claimed an estimated 3.1 million (between 2.8 and 3.6 million) lives in 2005 of which, more than half a million (570,000) were children.

I also have lost several friends because of Aids. I dedicated this post to the late Husin, Ejack, Mat Black, Mat Slow, Atok and to all unnamed friends, Al Fatihah.


What is HIV?

HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus. It is the virus that causes AIDS. A member of a group of viruses called retroviruses, HIV infects human cells and uses the energy and nutrients provided by those cells to grow and reproduce.

What is AIDS?

AIDS stands for acquired immunodeficiency syndrome. It is a disease in which the body's immune system breaks down and is unable to fight off infections, known as "opportunistic infections," and other illnesses that take advantage of a weakened immune system.
When a person is infected with HIV, the virus enters the body and lives and multiplies primarily in the white blood cells. These are immune cells that normally protect us from disease. The hallmark of HIV infection is the progressive loss of a specific type of immune cell called T-helper, or CD4, cells. As the virus grows, it damages or kills these and other cells, weakening the immune system and leaving the person vulnerable to various opportunistic infections and other illnesses ranging from pneumonia to cancer. A person can receive a clinical diagnosis of AIDS, as defined by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), if he or she has tested positive for HIV and meets one or both of theses conditions:

• The presence of one or more AIDS-related infections or illnesses;
  
• A CD4 count that has reached or fallen below 200 cells per cubic millimeter of blood. Also called the T-cell count, the CD4 count ranges from 450 to 1200 in healthy individuals.
  

How quickly do people infected with HIV develop AIDS?

In some people, the T-cell decline and opportunistic infections that signal AIDS develop soon after infection with HIV. But most people do not develop symptoms for 10 to 12 years, and a few remain symptom-free for much longer. As with most diseases, early medical care can help prolong a person's life.

How many people are affected by HIV/AIDS?

The Joint United Nations Programme on HIV/AIDS (UNAIDS) estimates that there are now 40 million people living with HIV or AIDS worldwide. Most of them do not know they carry HIV and may be spreading the virus to others. In the U.S., approximately one million people have HIV or AIDS, and 40,000 Americans become newly infected with HIV each year. According to the CDC, it is estimated that a quarter of all people with HIV in the U.S. do not know they are carrying the virus.

Since the beginning of the epidemic, AIDS has killed more than 25 million people worldwide, including more than 500,000 Americans. AIDS has replaced malaria and tuberculosis as the world's deadliest infectious disease among adults and is the fourth leading cause of death worldwide. Fifteen million children have been orphaned by the epidemic.

How is HIV transmitted?

A person who has HIV carries the virus in certain body fluids, including blood, semen, vaginal secretions, and breast milk. The virus can be transmitted only if such HIV-infected fluids enter the bloodstream of another person. This kind of direct entry can occur (1) through the linings of the vagina, rectum, mouth, and the opening at the tip of the penis; (2) through intravenous injection with a syringe; or (3) through a break in the skin, such as a cut or sore. Usually, HIV is transmitted through:

• Unprotected sexual intercourse (either vaginal or anal) with someone who has HIV. Women are at greater risk of HIV infection through vaginal sex than men, although the virus can also be transmitted from women to men. Anal sex (whether male-male or male-female) poses a high risk mainly to the receptive partner, because the lining of the anus and rectum is extremely thin and is filled with small blood vessels that can be easily injured during intercourse.
  
• Unprotected oral sex with someone who has HIV . There are far fewer cases of HIV transmission attributed to oral sex than to either vaginal or anal intercourse, but oral-genital contact poses a clear risk of HIV infection, particularly when ejaculation occurs in the mouth. This risk goes up when either partner has cuts or sores, such as those caused by sexually transmitted infections (STIs), recent tooth-brushing, or canker sores, which can allow the virus to enter the bloodstream.
  
• Sharing needles or syringes with someone who is HIV infected. Laboratory studies show that infectious HIV can survive in used syringes for a month or more. That's why people who inject drugs should never reuse or share syringes, water, or drug preparation equipment. This includes needles or syringes used to inject illegal drugs such as heroin, as well as steroids. Other types of needles, such as those used for body piercing and tattoos, can also carry HIV.
  
• Infection during pregnancy, childbirth, or breast-feeding (mother-to-infant transmission). Any woman who is pregnant or considering becoming pregnant and thinks she may have been exposed to HIV-even if the exposure occurred years ago-should seek testing and counseling. In the U.S., mother-to-infant transmission has dropped to just a few cases each year because pregnant women are routinely tested for HIV. Those who test positive can get drugs to prevent HIV from being passed on to a fetus or infant, and they are counseled not to breast-feed.
  

How is HIV not transmitted?

HIV is not an easy virus to pass from one person to another. It is not transmitted through food or air (for instance, by coughing or sneezing). There has never been a case where a person was infected by a household member, relative, co-worker, or friend through casual or everyday contact such as sharing eating utensils or bathroom facilities, or through hugging or kissing. (Most scientists agree that while HIV transmission through deep or prolonged "French" kissing may be possible, it would be extremely unlikely.) Here in the U.S., screening the blood supply for HIV has virtually eliminated the risk of infection through blood transfusions (and you cannot get HIV from giving blood at a blood bank or other established blood collection center). Sweat, tears, vomit, feces, and urine do contain HIV, but have not been reported to transmit the disease (apart from two cases involving transmission from fecal matter via cut skin). Mosquitoes, fleas, and other insects do not transmit HIV.

How can I reduce my risk of becoming infected with HIV through sexual contact?

If you are sexually active, protect yourself against HIV by practicing safer sex. Whenever you have sex, use a condom or "dental dam" (a square of latex recommended for use during oral-genital and oral-anal sex). When used properly and consistently, condoms are extremely effective. But remember:

• Use only latex condoms (or dental dams). Lambskin products provide little protection against HIV.
  
• Use only water-based lubricants. Latex condoms are virtually useless when combined with oil- or petroleum-based lubricants such as Vaseline® or hand lotion. (People with latex allergies can use polyethylene condoms with oil-based lubricants).
  
• Use protection each and every time you have sex.
  
• If necessary, consult a nurse, doctor, or health educator for guidance on the proper use of latex barriers.
  

Are there other ways to avoid getting HIV through sex?

The male condom is the only widely available barrier against sexual transmission of HIV. Female condoms are fairly unpopular in the U.S. and still relatively expensive, but they are gaining acceptance in some developing countries. Efforts are also under way to develop topical creams or gels called "microbicides," which could be applied prior to sexual intercourse to kill HIV and prevent other STIs that facilitate HIV infection.

Is there a link between HIV and other sexually transmitted infections?

Having a sexually transmitted infection (STI) can increase your risk of acquiring and transmitting HIV. This is true whether you have open sores or breaks in the skin (as with syphilis, herpes, and chancroid) or not (as with chlamydia and gonorrhea). Where there are breaks in the skin, HIV can enter and exit the bloodstream more easily. But even when there are no breaks in the skin, STIs can cause biological changes, such as swelling of tissue, that may make HIV transmission more likely. Studies show that HIV-positive individuals who are infected with another STI are three to five times more likely to contract or transmit the virus through sexual contact.

How can I avoid acquiring HIV from a contaminated syringe?

If you are injecting drugs of any type, including steroids, do not share syringes or other injection equipment with anyone else. (Disinfecting previously used needles and syringes with bleach can reduce the risk of HIV transmission). If you are planning to have any part of your body pierced or to get a tattoo, be sure to see a qualified professional who uses sterile equipment. Detailed HIV prevention information for drug users who continue to inject is available from the CDC's National Prevention Information Network at 1-800-458-5321 or online at www.cdc.gov/idu.

Are some people at greater risk of HIV infection than others?

HIV does not discriminate. It is not who you are, but what you do that determines whether you can become infected with HIV. In the U.S., roughly half of all new HIV infections are related directly or indirectly to injection drug use, i.e., using HIV-contaminated needles or having sexual contact with an HIV-infected drug user. With 40,000 Americans contracting HIV each year, there are clearly many people who are still engaging in high-risk behaviors, and infection rates remain alarmingly high among young people, women, African Americans, and Hispanics.

Are women especially vulnerable to HIV?

Women are at least twice as likely to contract HIV through vaginal sex with infected males than vice versa. This biological vulnerability is worsened by social and cultural factors that often undermine women's ability to avoid sex with partners who are HIV-infected or to insist on condom use. In the U.S., the proportion of HIV/AIDS cases among women more than tripled from 8 percent in 1985 to 27% in 2004. African American and Hispanic women, who represent less than one-quarter of U.S. women, account for 80% of new HIV infections among American women each year.

Are young people at significant risk of HIV infection?

At least half of the 40,000 Americans newly infected with HIV each year are under the age of 25. Roughly two young Americans become infected with HIV every hour of every day, and many of the people now living with HIV in the U.S. became infected when they were teenagers. Statistics show that by the 12th grade, about 60 percent of American youth are sexually active, and two-thirds of STIs affect people under age 25. Many young people also use drugs and alcohol, which can increase the likelihood that they will engage in high-risk sexual behavior.

Are there treatments for HIV/AIDS?

For many years, there were no effective treatments for AIDS. Today, a number of drugs are available to treat HIV infection and AIDS. Some of these are designed to treat the opportunistic infections and illnesses that affect people with HIV/AIDS.
In addition, several types of drugs seek to prevent HIV itself from reproducing and destroying the body's immune system:

• Reverse transcriptase inhibitors attack an HIV enzyme called reverse transcriptase. They include abacavir, delavirdine, didanosine (ddl), efavirenz, emtricitabine (FTC), lamivudine (3TC), nevirapine, stavudine (d4T), tenofovir, zalcitabine (ddC), and zidovudine (AZT);
  
• Protease inhibitors attack the HIV enzyme protease and include amprenavir, atazanavir, fosamprenavir, indinavir, lopinavir, nelfinavir, ritonavir, saquinavir, tipranavir, and darunavir.
  
• Fusion inhibitors stop virus from entering cells. To date, only one fusion inhibitor, enfuvirtide, has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration.
  

Many HIV patients take these drugs in combination-a regimen known as highly active antiretroviral therapy (HAART). When taken as directed, anti-HIV treatment can reduce the amount of HIV in the bloodstream to very low levels and sometimes enables the body's immune cells to rebound to normal levels.

Several drugs can be taken to help prevent a number of opportunistic infections including Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia, toxoplasmosis, cryptococcus and cytomegalovirus infection. Once opportunistic infections occur, the same drugs can be used at higher doses to treat these infections, and chemotherapy drugs are available to treat the cancers that commonly occur in AIDS.

Researchers are continuing to develop new drugs that act at critical steps in the virus's life cycle. Efforts are under way to identify new targets for anti-HIV medications and to discover ways of restoring the ability of damaged immune systems to defend against HIV and the many illnesses that affect people with HIV. Ultimately, advances in rebuilding the immune systems of HIV patients will benefit people with a number of serious illnesses, including cancer, Alzheimer's disease, multiple sclerosis, and immune deficiencies associated with aging and premature birth.

Is there a cure for AIDS?

There is still no cure for AIDS. And while new drugs are helping some people who have HIV live longer, healthier lives, there are many problems associated with them:

• Anti-HIV drugs are highly toxic and can cause serious side effects, including heart damage, kidney failure, and osteoporosis. Many (perhaps even most) patients cannot tolerate long-term treatment with HAART.
  
• HIV mutates quickly. Even among those who do well on HAART, roughly half of patients experience treatment failure within a year or two, often because the virus develops resistance to existing drugs. In fact, as many as 10 to 20 percent of newly infected Americans are acquiring viral strains that may already be resistant to current drugs.
  
• Because treatment regimens are unpleasant and complex, many patients miss doses of their medication. Failure to take anti-HIV drugs on schedule and in the prescribed dosage encourages the development of new drug-resistant viral strains.
  
• Even when patients respond well to treatment, HAART does not eradicate HIV. The virus continues to replicate at low levels and often remains hidden in "reservoirs" in the body, such as in the lymph nodes and brain.
  

In the U.S., the number of AIDS-related deaths has decreased dramatically because of widely available, potent treatments. But more than 95 percent of all people with HIV/AIDS live in the developing world, and many have little or no access to treatment.

Is there a vaccine to prevent HIV infection?

Despite continued intensive research, experts believe it will be at least a decade before we have a safe, effective, and affordable AIDS vaccine. And even after a vaccine is developed, it will take many years before the millions of people at risk of HIV infection worldwide can be immunized. Until then, other HIV prevention methods, such as practicing safer sex and using sterile syringes, will remain critical.

Can you tell whether someone has HIV or AIDS?

You cannot tell by looking at someone whether he or she is infected with HIV or has AIDS. An infected person can appear completely healthy. But anyone infected with HIV can infect other people, even if they have no symptoms.

How can I know if I'm infected?

Immediately after infection, some people may develop mild, temporary flu-like symptoms or persistently swollen glands. Even if you look and feel healthy, you may be infected. The only way to know your HIV status for sure is to be tested for HIV antibodies-proteins the body produces in an effort to fight off infection. This usually requires a blood sample. If a person's blood has HIV antibodies, that means the person is infected.

Should I get tested?

If you think you might have been exposed to HIV, you should get tested as soon as possible. Here's why:

• Even in the early stages of infection, you can take concrete steps to protect your long-term health. Regular check-ups with a doctor who has experience with HIV/AIDS will enable you (and your family members or loved ones) to make the best decisions about whether and when to begin anti-HIV treatment, without waiting until you get sick.
  
• Taking an active approach to managing HIV may give you many more years of healthy life than you would otherwise have.
  
• If you are HIV positive, you will be able to take the precautions necessary to protect others from becoming infected.
  

If you are HIV positive and pregnant, you can take medications and other precautions to significantly reduce the risk of infecting your infant, including not breast-feeding.

How can I get tested?

Most people are tested by private physicians, at local health department facilities, or in hospitals. In addition, many states offer anonymous HIV testing. It is important to seek testing at a place that also provides counseling about HIV and AIDS. Counselors can answer questions about high-risk behavior and suggest ways you can protect yourself and others in the future. They can also help you understand the meaning of the test results and refer you to local AIDS-related resources.

Though less readily available, there is also a viral load test that can reveal the presence of HIV in the blood within three to five days of initial exposure, as well as highly accurate saliva tests that are nearly equivalent to blood tests in determining HIV antibody status. In some clinics you can get a test called OraQuick® that gives a preliminary result in 20 minutes. You can also purchase a kit that allows you to collect your own blood sample, send it to a lab for testing, and receive the results anonymously. Only the Home Access® brand kit is approved by the Food and Drug Administration. It can be found at most drugstores.

Keep in mind that while most blood tests are able to detect HIV infection within four weeks of initial exposure, it can sometimes take as long as three to six months for HIV antibodies to reach detectable levels. The CDC currently recommends testing six months after the last possible exposure to HIV.

The CDC's National AIDS Hotline can answer questions about HIV testing and refer you to testing sites in your area. Operators are available toll-free, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, at:

• 1-800-342-2437 (English)
  
• 1-800-344-7432 (Spanish)
  
• 1-800-243-7889 (TTY/deaf access)
  

How can I help fight HIV/AIDS?

Everyone can play a role in confronting the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Here are just a few suggestions for how you can make a difference:

• Volunteer with your local AIDS service organization.
  
• Talk with the young people you know about HIV/AIDS.
  
• Sponsor an AIDS education event or fund raiser with your local school, community group, or religious organization.
  
• Urge government officials to provide adequate funding for AIDS research, prevention education, medical care, and support services.
  
• Speak out against AIDS-related discrimination.
  
• Support continued research to develop better treatments and a safe and effective AIDS vaccine by making a donation to amfAR.

The articles above was copy and pasted from http://www.amfar.org